A Few Pictures From Today

Cutest little girl ever, playing dress up:


















Our feast!!
















Laura's place card:








Me & my yummmmmmy pie:

Seasons Eatings

I'm really pumped about the big Thanksgiving dinner we're having Tuesday night. I plan to start cooking when I get out of class at 2:30. I hadn't realized how much food we're going to have until I wrote out a list of everything at work tonight...it's going to be a real feast! We're having:

• Turkey with gravy (It's a frozen turkey loaf thing, not a real actual turkey...but it takes 2 hours to bake in the oven! The pie also takes about 2 hrs to set up in the refrigerator, which is why I'm starting the whole cooking process at 2:30. Plus I want to make sure we have the kitchen for the night, so a repeat of last Thursday doesn't happen...arg.)
• Mashed potatoes & gravy (The gravy's from a packet, but the potatoes will be 100% made from scratch, bitches.)
• Stuffing (Ariane's making this...I probably won't eat any because I don't really like stuffing, but it wouldn't really be Thanksgiving without stuffing, would it?)
• Green bean casserole (Another thing Ariane's making, and this actually is something I like. A lot!!)
• Cornbread (The third thing Ariane is making. Yummmmmmm!! If she weren't making this, I'd make a corn casserole.)
• Cranberry sauce (From a can, people. I don't work magic. But I am planning to cut it into cute little leaf shapes with some cookie cutters Ariane bought earlier this semester.)
• PUMPKIN DREAM PIE!!! (Okay, so I hope this turns out alright. I've never made it before. It's tradition in my family, though, so I guess I'd better get to learning how to make it.)

Yeah, we're gonna be effing stuffed. Hello 10 lbs. After the break (possibly the night of December 8th), I really want to have a Christmas party. I've spent so much on groceries this semester, and I'm planning a really nice present for my mom, so I don't really have money to spend on presents for my friends. So I thought we could throw a little party, listen to music, play games, whatever...and that could be our celebration, instead of giving each other presents. Anyway, I figured instead of having a big meal, we could just have big bowls of snacks. I came up with a few ideas at work tonight:

• White chocolate covered pretzels (I love making these)
  
• Chex mix (homemade, of course!)
• Spiced edamame (there's a recipe in the cookbook I bought the other day)
• Brown butter, rosemary, & lemon popcorn
• Hot chocolate
• Cinnamon coffee (I bought a bag a couple weeks ago, but I still haven't made any of it yet)

I'm trying to come up with some other ideas...maybe chips & dip or something. Perhaps some puppy chow/muddy buddies (Chex coated in chocolate, peanut butter, & powdered sugar). We'll see. :)

A New Look

Alright, I switched to a new template. I don't know if I love it, but it's got the little links on the sidebar, which I really wanted.

One week until I get to see my mom. Eight days until I'll be home. I guess maybe it's not really home anymore...or at least, it won't be for much longer. My mom reminded me of that this morning on the phone, and it made me cry. Don't get me wrong...I'm definitely looking forward to living with Michael and finally being able to set up my own home. But it's sad to think that the place that's been my home for my entire life will only be my home for another 6 months or so. It's weird.

On another note, I'm having a good music year. I really hadn't thought about it much until the other day when someone wrote in my cousin's blog that it'd been a really bad music year. While I wouldn't say that the artists I already loved have put out a lot of great music this year (with the exception of Jewel's new album, which I adore), I've discovered a lot of new stuff that I'm not sure how I ever lived without. Juanes. Lily Allen. Corinne Bailey Rae. Leigh Nash. Madeleine Peyroux. Rachael Yamagata. Fink. The Ditty Bops. Draco and the Malfoys. And a ton of other random songs that I've downloaded this year. It's been wonderful.

The other day, I spent 5 hours hanging out at Hastings while Laura was working. I bought an amazing new cookbook, How to Boil Water and some Burt's Bees honey lip balm. Now I can make hard-boiled eggs, pick fresh produce, and keep my lips moist. And really, what more is there to life? Speaking of eggs, I bought a half-dozen the other day, and I've been eating them every day. I figure it's a good way to replace the protein I'm losing by not eating meat. No, I haven't gone vegetarian, but I also haven't been eating in the cafeteria & I don't feel like messing with raw meat here in the dorms. So the only source of protein I've really had has been Taco Bell...and who knows if that's even really meat?

Time to go do some homework. I mean, sudoku.

Yummy Yummy in my Tummy

This morning I made toad in a hole for breakfast (is it still breakfast after 11 a.m.? I guess it was brunch). I hadn't had that in such a long time. I bought eggs last night at the grocery store...I think I'll start buying them more often.

So I'll be home in 11 days. I can't wait! I'll probably be working 6-11am Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday (yeah, that's right, Thanksgiving freaking Day), and Friday. But that'll give me the afternoons free to shop, see movies, and eat tons of food. And just hanging out around the house, playing with Xena and working on my knitting project.

This week has gone by incredibly quickly. I hope next week is just the same!

Happy Thoughts

Today's been a great day. I finished my paper and turned it in this morning. Laura & I watched The Polar Express this afternoon. I made potato soup for dinner (ate about half of it after I made it, and then ate the rest when I got back from work). After dinner, Laura & I went to Hobby Lobby so I could buy more yarn for my art project. Now I've got the yarn for 7 out of the 9 squares of the blanket I'm making. Well, 8, but the yarn for the middle square is at home. Anyway, after Hobby Lobby, we went to Something Brewing for coffee. I finished one of the knitted squares at work tonight, and I've got about two inches of another one done.

I pretty much don't have a reason to get out of bed tomorrow. My econ class has been canceled, and I don't work on Tuesday nights. I'm planning to spend the day working on my knitting and watching Christmas movies.

After work tonight, I had a great conversation with Michelle. She's such a sweetheart. She's going to start coming over for dinner on Thursday nights, and I'm going to teach her how to cook. After Thanksgiving break, we're gonna get together some weekend and make Christmas cookies. :) I love having someone who's as enthusiastic about this stuff as I am!! She's into all sorts of other crafts, too.

Oops.

Well, I went to bed at 2 and slept until 8:30. I've got 2 pages (out of 5, but if it only ends up being 3 or 4 pages, I don't really care). It's not that this paper is particularly hard to write, and it's not that I don't want to write it (believe me, I'd love nothing more than to be done with it). I'm just lazy, and I hate writing papers.

So I'm skipping my classes today, including Art History. I'm going to Freehand Drawing, however, because today I'm showing my professor sketches for my final project.

Okay...time to get back to work, I guess.

Free To Be Me

It's such a liberating feeling to know that this paper I'm writing doesn't matter. Sure, in order to get an A in the class, I need to get around a 78. But in order to get a B in the class, I only have to get a 28 on the paper. Do you know how low a 28 is?? I think I could turn in what I've got now (a little over a page) and get a 28. To get a C in the class, I don't even have to write the paper! Of course, I don't want to get a C in the class. I'd love to make an A. But I'm more than satisfied with a B. Is Michael going to decide not to be with me if I get a B in this class? Of course not. Are accounting firms going to decide not to hire me if I get a B in art history? Highly doubtful.

The Laocoon (and Dr. Miller) can basically kiss my ass. If I'm not done by 2:30, I'm going to bed anyway. I'll get up in the morning and finish it (instead of going to Spanish, and I may skip art history as well).

Stream of Consciousness 2

Today I'm writing possibly my last paper ever. I'm about a thousand different kinds of excited about that...it's almost exciting enough to motivate me to actually work on the paper. Almost. In the spirit of staying true to myself, I'm procrastinating like a mofo. I've been watching Food Network pretty much all day. I think I'm going through a nesting phase. I'm not pregnant (or a bird), but it's the same type of thing. I just want to be domestic. I was watching Nigella Lawson's show earlier this afternoon, and she was making all kinds of chocolate goodies. You know, these days, I'm happiest when I'm in the kitchen. I've always been really into creating, and I've used so many different media over the years. I guess food is just my latest medium. Actually, I've got about 5 different crafts that I'm into these days...cooking, knitting, photography, cross stitch, and charcoal drawings (although the latter is just because of my art class). Well, and scrapbooking, but I haven't done that in a while. It's too bad I can't stumble into a career that lets me spend all day creating. Creating whatever strikes my fancy. I think both of these cross stitch projects describe me fairly well...I just can't decide which one is the best!



Today's one of those really dreary days. One of those days that's good to spend in the kitchen, baking cookies or making soup. I'd make some potato soup, but the kitchen's a total mess. That's something I hate about living with people...they don't clean up after themselves and their guests. I mean, yeah, I use the kitchen. And I'm sure I make a mess in there. But I always clean up after myself. Heck, 90% of the time I wash the dishes before I even sit down to eat what I made.

I'm really homesick. I keep trying to remind myself that I get to see my mom 2 weeks from today, and I'll be home 2 weeks from tomorrow. I hope these next 2 weeks just fly by. I think I've got 2 tests before then (economics and art history), plus a composition in Spanish. A few days ago, I ordered some yarn for my art project...which I just realized none of you know about because I haven't mentioned it in here before. Haha, okay, well, I'll write about that later. Anyway, that project is due the Wednesday after Thanksgiving break, which means I need to spend a good chunk of my break working on it (ya know, when I'm not working at the store or cooking or shopping or visiting family or stuffing my face or doing the 10 million other things I have planned for that week). Aaaagh! But this slight November crunch is going to pay off in December, when I only have TWO FINALS! And I get to go home on December 9th or 10th. And I don't have to return to this inner circle of hell until January 14th. And during that wonderful interim, I get to spend 6 glorious days with my sweetie pie. But once classes start on the 16th, I'm expecting a 4-month depression to sink in. I'm trying not to focus on that so much.

Alright, enough procrastinating...well, enough procrastinating by journaling. Now it's time to look at pretty pictures of food on the internet for a couple of hours. Wheeeee!

Dum-Dum (and apartment stuff)

So the other day, I did just about the dumbest thing I could ever do. My dad called me up, asking if I could work at the store over Thanksgiving break. Okay so here's the thing: I can't say no. Especially when it comes to work. If my boss asks me to do something, I do it. And I try to be as flexible as possible. So I said yes. He asked about my availability, and instead of telling him when I'd like to work, I told him when I could work. I told him I could be there at 6 a.m. Tuesday through Friday. Yes, I actually told my dad that I could and would work at 6 a.m. on Thanksgiving day. Am I nuts? I must be.

This weekend, I'm supposed to be writing a paper for Art History. I figure I'll read through my materials today, jot down some ideas, and then tomorrow I'll write the paper. I don't think it'll be too hard...although this is the first paper I've written in about a year. But it only has to be 5 pages. I should be fine, right? I hope so.

Over the past couple days, I've been looking at stuff for me & Michael's apartment. Stuff for the kitchen, stuff for the living room. I think the bedroom is pretty much set, except for bedding. My dad's letting me have the queen-size bed that they bought for me when I was 13 or 14. And I'm sure my mom won't mind if I take my dresser & mirror, although I hate that thing because the drawers are really shallow & don't hold much.

Things we already have:

• a queen-size bed & pillows
• a dresser & mirror
• 2 big TVs and a 13" TV
• 2 computers
• a coffee table (and maybe a console table that matches it, if my mom decides to get an entertainment center for the TV at home)
• a few bookcases
• a few rugs (the apartment we're looking at has cement floors...it used to be an old factory/warehouse!!)
• kitchen stuff (a 20-piece dish set that has dinner plates, salad plates, bowls, mugs, and ramekins for 4, plus a set of 4 rice bowls, several mugs, a 12-piece flatware set, a ton of barware, a wine rack, appetizer plates, an olive boat, an olive oil pourer, napkin rings, salt & pepper shakers, a good santoku knife, a tea set, a cutting board, storage containers, an electric mixer, a George Foreman grill, a set of popcorn bowls, a can-opener, a cookbook stand, several cookbooks, an iced tea maker, and probably some other stuff that I can't remember right now)
• coasters!
• a vacuum cleaner
• a microwave
• an iron & small ironing board (although I'd like to get a full-sized ironing board once we're in an apartment)
• a 3-compartment laundry sorter thing (Basically a huge glorified hamper...on wheels! You can sort of see it in the background of the vacuum cleaner picture.)
• towels (9 bath towels, 3 hand towels, and 3 washcloths in aqua, brown, and aqua/brown stripe)
• a stereo
• some art for the walls
• a phone/answering machine
  
• probably several other things

Plus I know that my mom's getting me "kitchen stuff" for Christmas. I asked for a blender, but I also really need decent pots & pans (which are ridiculously expensive). I'm planning to buy some air-bake cookie sheets, and I think my mom is giving me an extra 8x8" baking pan that she has lying around. Non-essentials that are on my kitchen wishlist: a big wooden salad bowl, a nice wood cutting board, and an over-the-sink colander.

Okay, it's after 12, and I still haven't taken a shower (or done any work!)...so I guess that's enough apartment musings for now.

Busy Bee

A lot's been going on since the last time I posted something other than photos. Friday I spent about 45 minutes crying in Dr. Scott's office. I actually did a lot better on my International Econ test than I thought, but I had a lot of emotions that had been bubbling just under the surface for a few days prior. Anyway, Dr. Scott made me feel a whole lot better, and actually sort of encouraged me not to be an accountant, if it's something that makes me so unhappy.

Friday night was Ghost Roast. I don't have a lot to say about that.

Saturday night we went out to dinner to celebrate Ryan's birthday. Later, we went to Kroger, where I found...packaged alfredo sauce mix! I know that doesn't sound so exciting, but it's something I used to love when I was a kid, but Dillons stopped carrying it a long time ago. I made it for dinner tonight, and hoooooooooooooly crap, I'd forgotten how good it was!!

Last week at Wal-Mart, I bought a couple of little counted cross stitch kits. One of them has a little crown on it, and it was supposed to say "Little Princess," but I stitched on "Killer Queen" instead. The other one has Eeyore lying on the ground, looking up at a butterfly. It doesn't say anything on it. Anyway, they're both sooooo cute, and I really want to get some more, like the Tinkerbell one.

Okay, other than that, not much has been going on. I've got a Spanish test Wednesday, an Art History paper due next Monday, and an International Econ test probably next Thursday (yuck). Busy, busy, busy!!

Love Among the Leaves

Hello, Figure Drawing!!

Today we started figure drawing in my art class. I'm so freaking happy!! I'm about 10x better at this than I was at still life, plus it's 1000x more interesting. And luckily our model turned out NOT to be the person I thought it might be. Actually, our model is a very pretty girl whom I don't know at all (she's probably a UCA student), so that's nice. I'm pretty proud of my drawing, especially since it's just the first one.

After class, I walked (in the rain) over to Mills to get my econ test from Dr. Scott (yesterday he said we could pick them up in his office this afternoon). Well...he wasn't there. And I'm not walking back over there later. So I guess I'm just not getting my test back until tomorrow...which is fine with me, because I don't really want it back.

Today seems like the perfect day to snuggle up in bed and read a book.

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic!

Alright, so I've finally decided what to be for Halloween. I was planning to be a black cat, but I couldn't find any ears that I liked. So I'm going to be a witch instead. I found a super cheapo black & purple striped hat at Wal-Mart tonight, and I bought some black nail polish (I'm going to do black nails with purple tips!) and some red lipstick. I'm going to be a good witch with a little bit of an evil streak. Ariane's gonna tryyyy to curl my hair. Anyway, I'm pretty pumped.

I drank a huuuuge pumpkin spice latte tonight. And four cappuccino truffles. Yeah, I'm on a little bit of a buzz right now...

Dear Recently Distressed

I haven't listened to Phantom Planet in over a year. I'd forgotten how wonderful they are. Well, how wonderful they were. Their most recent stuff is not so good.

Today I'm getting back a test that I know I failed. And even though I know I didn't do well on it, I still know that I'm going to be really upset when I actually see my grade written on the paper. I act like I don't care about my grades, and for the most part I really don't, but there's still a shadow of my high school self inside me, and she's still obsessed with making everybody but herself happy.

Anyway, to cheer myself up today, I'm wearing obnoxious colors and socks with squiggles on them. And if you see me, you should give me a hug!

edit:
Oh Dr. Scott, how I love thee! We didn't get our tests back afterall. Yesssss.

Goodbye, Still Life!!

Today in Freehand Drawing, we completed our final still life project. FINALLY!! I'm actually pretty happy with this one. I got to spend two class periods on it (a total of about 4 hours). There was some more detailing I could've (should've) done on the mask, but I just didn't have time. I spent a lot of time on the shading of the mask, to get the contours right. And I also spent quite a bit of time doing those dents on that kettle. I redrew them a couple of times. Anyway, like I said, I'm pretty happy with it. And we start drawing our first model on Wednesday!! Color me happy.

This afternoon I went to Target with Laura. They were having a sale on knee socks!! I bought 5 pairs. I also got some food that doesn't take more than 5 minutes to make (like cookies and Spaghetti-O's). Because I haven't been eating. I actually lost 5 lbs. this weekend. Because I haven't been eating. I mean, I'm not complaining about losing weight...but I know I haven't lost it in a healthy way. I just haven't been hungry lately. Or, I have, but nothing ever sounds good, so I just don't eat.

After Target, Laura & I went to Something Brewing and got coffee. When she gets out of band, we're going to Taco Bell to grab dinner. Then I guess I'm going over to Cook to watch football with her and some other people (i.e. they're going to watch football, and I'm going to work on Ryan's socks).

Killer Queen

Open Up Your Heart and Let This Fool Rush In

I just got back from seeing Marie Antoinette. It was fabulous!! Really, absolutely fantastic. Funny and sad and so beautiful. I wanna see it again!

Before the movie, we (Ryan, Ariane, and I) went to Barnes & Noble. A while back, I "won" a $10 B&N gift card, so I figured this was the perfect opportunity to use it. I thought about buying the new Lemony Snicket book (I have all of the others), but since I haven't gotten past the 8th or 9th book, I figured that one could wait. So I ended up getting Banishing Verona, by Margot Livesey. She wrote one of my favorite books, Eva Moves the Furniture, which was very quiet and slow and sad. I like things like that sometimes. I also bought a sparkly birthday card for Rachel and a really pretty mug with a picture of the Colosseum and a bunch of Roman-y stuff on it. They had a London one too, with a picture of Big Ben, but the Rome one was so much prettier.

Today I started knitting a pair of socks for Ryan for his birthday. I know I'm gonna need to spend pretty much all of my spare time on them in order to finish them in time (his birthday is November 4th), but I'm so tempted to read my new book instead! But I guess that can wait...it'll be nice to have that to read during the long ride home at Thanksgiving.

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

Fall Break is coming to an end. It's been relaxing, if nothing else. I've watched a lot of movies, most of them about witches (Hocus Pocus, Bell, Book and Candle, Rosemary's Baby, and Bewitched). I love witches!

Tonight I was talking to my dad on the phone, and we were talking about the store. Somehow, we got on the subject of shrink (the difference between what the store buys and what the store sells...i.e. stuff that gets stolen or damaged). As employees, it's drilled into our heads that our job is to prevent/reduce shrink. Well, my dad's department (produce) has really low shrink numbers...often the lowest in the store. He does this by ordering the right amounts of products and by selling damaged produce at reduced prices. This last part is especially important at our store, which is located in an economically-depressed neighborhood. Many of our customers are on food stamps, and they do what they can with the benefits they receive. I don't know how many of you buy groceries, but next time you're in a supermarket, check out the prices of fresh produce...it's expensive!! Because of this, poorer people usually don't buy much fresh produce, which means that they miss out on a lot of important nutrients.

Well, The Powers That Be have decided that my father's shrink numbers are too low. They think this means that he's missing out on potential sales by not ordering enough product. They're implementing a new policy, so instead of selling damaged products at reduced prices, he's supposed to just throw it away. Yes, throw it away! I can't express how angry this makes me. TPTB believe that this will force customers to buy the products at full price. What they don't seem to understand is that people living on a fixed income often can't afford to pay those higher prices for fresh produce. They're either going to buy less of it, or possibly stop buying it altogether. Either way, these people are going to be missing out on an important source of nutrition.

The only thing that might anger me more than this is the fact that, under the new policy, my dad is required to literally throw away the damaged produce. What a waste! You know that phrase, "There are starving kids in China!"? Well, what about the starving people in Kansas? This food could be given to soup kitchens or homeless shelters or battered women's shelters or SOMEWHERE. It's not like this food is rotten or anything...it's just bruised or needs to be used within a day or two. There are people who really need this stuff, and for the company to just throw it away...it makes me angry. Really, really angry.

I'm planning to bring this to the attention of some advocacy groups or something. I'm not sure exactly where to start, but I think I'm going to email Joe Stumpe, the food editor at the Wichita Eagle. I know you're probably thinking that emailing a food editor is the weirdest way to start, but Stumpe recently participated in a challange during which he lived on the amount someone would receive from the food stamp program for a week. I think he can probably help me get in contact with people from different advocacy groups. I'd really like to see some pressure put on the company to rethink this new policy (which is apparently the policy at Wal-Mart as well, and probably several other places).

Happy Friday the 13th!!

Yesterday I took some pictures of Laura and Elyse around campus. I also bought a pumpkin yesterday, which they posed with in most of the pictures. Today I'm going to try roasting pumpkin seeds!

Sometimes Life is Worth Living

I haven't had that abdominal pain again, which is good. I'm trying not to worry about it too much.

Yesterday was an upsetting day. I'm pretty sure I failed (or maybe got a D) on my International Economics test. On the upside, however, I talked to my professor, and he said that this grade doesn't really matter. But, of course, I was still upset...so I went to Kroger. Ariane had a bad day yesterday as well, and we were both in serious need of some mashed potatoes & gravy. I spent almost $83 at the store, but I'm okay with that. I was getting so sick of eating pasta all of the time. I bought vegetables, cheese, bread, peanut butter, ice cream, and a bunch of other stuff. Real food.

I skipped my drawing class today. I don't actually like that class as much as I thought I would. In Spanish, we got back our tests...I got 100%, and I spent maybe 2 minutes studying for it. And this stuff wasn't even review...there was a lot of grammar that I had never learned in high school. Methinks I just ROCK at Spanish. Hmm...did I pick the wrong major??

I'm trying to decide what to do for dinner tonight. I think it's just as hard when you've got lots of choices as it is when you don't have anything to eat. I feel the same way about my clothes...right after I do laundry, and everything's clean, I waste like 20 minutes in the morning trying to decide what to wear. And when nothing's clean, of course, it takes forever to find something that I like.

I'm Pretty Sure I'm Dying...

About six weeks ago, I woke up in a world of pain. My ribcage felt like it had contracted, and my organs felt like they were expanding. My lungs couldn't expand to take in air, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. And there was this incredibly sharp pain in my upper abdomen. I couldn't lie down, and I couldn't stand up. The only position that was comfortable was sitting with my knees pulled close to my chest. I took some Motrin, and a few minutes later the pain went away. I had no idea what had caused the pain, but I thought maybe it was because of my period, even though it was in such a weird spot.

Four weeks later, the next time I was on my period, I had the pain again. I don't remember it being quite as intense as the first time I'd had it, but I also wasn't quite so surprised by it. Again, I took some Motrin, and the pain went away.

Last night, around 9:15, it happened again. I'm not on my period this time. After taking Motrin last night, the pain mostly went away, but I still felt nauseous and had a bit of a dull ache when I stood up for more than a few minutes.

So now I don't know what to think. It's obviously not being caused by my period. Even though it's in the right spot, I don't think it's my appendix, because I don't think the pain would be so spread out (timewise). If it happens again, I'm going to go see a doctor. I hope nothing is seriously wrong with me...

My Life as a Magpie

I know that the magpie is a symbol of bad luck. One legend even suggests that they carry a drop of the devil's blood under their tongues (to which I say...birds have tongues?). But there's one more thing for which magpies are famous, and that's their attraction to shiny things. Coins. Jewelry. Gum wrappers. Believe me, I love dead presidents and things that smell like Doublemint as much as the next girl...but lately, I've fallen especially in love with jewelry. Fine jewelry. The good stuff. It started when I bought my pearl ring last December. Followed by the acquisition of my mother's sapphire ring. The latest has been the beautiful mystic fire topaz necklace I got for my birthday. Now I'm keeping my eye out for my next piece, and I've got several in mind. My absolute favorite has to be this opal ring from Helzberg. I found it last winter, when I bought my pearl ring, but it was (and still is) way too expensive. I would ask for it for Christmas, but I think it's still too expensive, even for that.

The other pieces I'm currently in love with:
Octagonal Cut Aquamarine & Diamond Ring
Ecstasy Topaz & Diamond Pendant
Rose de France & Diamond Pendant

Things That Make Me Sad

Don't get me wrong...I've been pretty happy lately. I've completely rebounded from the recent boy drama, and am actually even more recovered from the old boy drama. Still...there are a few things that I've read about in the news recently that have made me really sad, if not a little angry.

• The shooting at the Amish school in Pennsylvania. I mean really...what was this man thinking? It just breaks my heart to think of those poor little girls and their families... The Colorado shooting makes me sad too, of course, but there's something about this one that really tugs at my heart. Maybe because the girls were so young, or because they were Amish, or because there were more of them...I don't know.
• The Congressman who sent sexually-explicit emails and IMs to the underage male pages. There are a lot of things about this whole mess that really bother me. Probably the biggest one is the coverup. The preservation of political power should never trump the preservation of the safety and innocence of children...never.
  
• The Code of Inclusiveness, part of the Visioneering Wichita project. I'm all for racial unity, believe me. Anyone who knows me knows that. However, asking Wichitans to sign a Code of Inclusiveness is just a waste of time and resources. Mostly a waste of paper. The people who would be willing to sign this pact and really uphold it are the people who already advocate racial unity. And the people we should really be reaching out to are the ones who wouldn't sign the Code of Inclusiveness anyway.
• Thursday's Hendrix Forum topic. I wish I could attend the Forum, but unfortunately it's at the same time as my Spanish class. The topic: "Is the Hendrix Community a 'Safe Space' for Political and Religious Conservatives?" To which I say NO. I think Hendrix is maybe more tolerant of religious conservatives than political conservatives, just because it's a religiously-affiliated school (although its affiliation is with Methodism, which is relatively liberal), so there are a lot of religious organizations on campus. But there's only one organization on campus for political conservatives, and it's not a very active group. People are really hostile to Republicans on this campus, and I don't just mean students...I can't count the number of times I've heard professors make derogatory comments about them. Personally, I don't like either party. I think they're more concerned with holding power than actually getting anything accomplished. I think politicians are under too much pressure to constantly vote along party lines (or risk losing support and funding when the next election comes along), so nothing constructive and truly beneficial is ever accomplished. However, I don't believe that all Republicans are as extreme as the people in office, nor do I believe that Democrats are as extreme as their leaders. But on this campus? When someone says "Republican," everyone assumes you're a greedy, cold-hearted, intolerant, backward-thinking hick. It's offensive.

Thank You

Yesterday I downloaded Leigh Nash's solo album, Blue on Blue, which came out about a month and a half ago. (She was the lead singer of Sixpence None the Richer before this.) Anyway, at first I wasn't sure that I liked the album much, but I've been listening to it pretty much non-stop since yesterday, and I've fallen in love with it. One of my favorite songs is the last one on the album, "Thank You." It's a good perspective on getting your heart broken:

Thank you for breaking my heart
Cause if you’d never left,
I’d never have met someone better
Aren’t you clever boy?
I really owe you one for what you’ve done
From the bottom of my heart,
Thank you, thank you

3 New Self-Portraits!

Me + my new sweater + my new necklace!


I know, I know...that's a whole lot of blue-green!

Post-Birthday

My birthday turned out pretty fantastic, I must say. Most of the people I invited came out to dinner last night, and we had a great time. I wish we could've been at a round table so I could've chatted with everyone more, instead of just the people who were sitting right next to me, but otherwise it was perfect. And the creme brulée was, of course, wonderful. Extremely wonderful.

When we got back to campus, I was kinda sad because everyone left and I thought my birthday was pretty much over. But then Ryan & Ariane showed up with the most beautiful, thoughtful present in the world...a mystic fire topaz necklace! I was speechless...I still am...there are no words to describe how absolutely lovely it is. Really. The picture doesn't do it justice, believe me. I'm only even posting it so you can see the style of the necklace. The stones are so sparkly and...I don't know...enchanting. When they catch the light, they change from green to purple. I probably spent a solid hour just staring at it last night. SO BEAUTIFUL.

After they gave me the necklace, Ryan, Ariane, and I played a game of Apples to Apples (a present from Rachel!), which was loads of fun. Then we went to see the 9:25 showing of The Black Dahlia at The Rave in Little Rock. Uh...if you haven't seen it yet...don't waste your money. The three of us agreed that if they cut a few things out (like the dead 3-year old or the lesbian porn), it could totally be marketed as a comedy. My favorite line from the movie: "Germans...good people. Hitler was a bit excessive, but I think we're going to regret not joining up with him against the Reds." Oh, and the movie pretty much had nothing to do with the Black Dahlia murder case. At least, not what actually happened. The man who actually killed her wasn't even in the movie. And the whole feel of the movie was very schmaltzy.

Okay, picture time!

Rachel, Ariane, Ryan, and Megan at Mike's Place:

Laura and Keisha at Mike's Place:

The most beautiful necklace in the world:

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Pre-Birthday was pretty good, and Birthday is turning out to be pretty swell too. I got a beautiful sweater from my mom (which I'm wearing today), and I got a check from my dad (which I'm cashing when the business office opens at 1)...so presents have been good. Great, really.

Yesterday I downloaded Madeleine Peyroux's new album, Half the Perfect World, and man...it's wonderful. Beautiful. I'm in love with it.

Life is good. Really, really good. Especially today...I'm not letting anything get me down today. Especially since tonight I'm planning to indulge in some creme brulée...and you just can't be down in the dumps if you're gonna eat something that fancy.

2 Days!!

The reservation has been made! I went ahead and made it for 13, even though only 10 people have said that they're definitely coming. And I shake my fist at those 3 who won't give me a solid answer. Grrr!! I mean, if you don't wanna come, that's fine...BUT LET ME KNOW!!

I made dinner last night, and it was wonderful. Now Laura and I have made plans for her to come over Thursday night, and we're going to make Mediterranean pizza. I feel so much happier since I've been cooking these past few days. Something about comfort food, I guess... I'd really like to try making lasagna one of these days.

Today I got my first birthday card. It was from my grandparents. And this morning my art history professor decided to push our test back to Monday, so now I don't have a test on my birthday! And in Spanish, she gave us a homework assignment for Friday that involves writing a paragraph about somebody's birthday. Haha!

Life's pretty good these days.

3 Days!!

So, mini-crisis averted. I was worried that Bell, Book, and Candle would forever elude me, but I managed to find a new copy on eBay. So I bought it before they could raise their price (since it's no longer in production). And really, I think I probably spent less than I would've if I'd bought it through Amazon. Well, happy birthday to me!

Dr. Scott is both wonderful and insane. Wonderful because he's pushing the first test back even further, so now it won't be until October 10th. Insane because he's making it a 2 and a half hour test! And today we were sort of reviewing what we'd learned so far (mostly he was just running through a list of the stuff we've gone over), and he gave us an "example test question." HOLY CRAP...all I've got to say is that if he puts that question on the test, it better be the ONLY question. It was like half a page long just writing it out, and that didn't even include everything he said because there was SO MUCH STUFF. It would definitely take two or three pages to answer it. Aaaaagh. But at least I'll get to enjoy my 22nd birthday before my head explodes.

I'm in a really good mood today. Probably the best mood I've been in for the past couple of weeks. And tonight I'm making stars & tomato juice for dinner. I guess I never realized how weird that sounds to people who haven't tried it, because it's something my mom's been making for as long as I can remember (although she usually uses shell pasta, but sometimes she uses fun shapes like stars or alphabet pasta). It's not really like mac & cheese because the tomato juice is thinner than cheese. And thinner than tomato sauce. But it's not really like soup, either, because it's mostly pasta, not mostly liquid. Just trust me...it's delicious!

Domestic Goddess (sorta)

I finally made my potato soup. It filled a bowl the size of my head. I only ate about a third of it...I figure I'll live off the rest of it for the next few days. It was a little thick, but other than that it was perrrrrrfect!


And for dessert? Godiva classic milk chocolate ice cream. Mmmmm.


Other interesting things that happened today:

• My mom turned 50! Happy birthday, Mama!!
• I finally decided what to do/where to go for my birthday. It's not very creative, but my tummy can't so much do creative these days. Anyway, we're going to Mike's Place. I've invited 12 people, and hopefully they can all make it...because you know what they say about 13 people sitting down to dine...the first to stand up from the table is the first to die!! I'm not wishing death on any of my guests, but it's soooo close to Halloween. Man, I wanna go to a haunted house...
• I watched Addams Family Values. Not a bad movie, I have to say.
  

Better

Feeling better today. Maybe not physically...I'm still sick, and last night I had that one cramp that feels like my internal organs are going to explode. But emotionally, I'm stabilizing. I guess I'm still a little sad, but I'm not crying anymore. And I'm not angry anymore. I don't even really feel hurt, either. I don't think I really know what I'm feeling. I think I still feel empty, but more in a cleansed kind of way, not drained.

Anyway, as a friend's away message says, every little thing is gonna be alright.

Drained Like a Bathtub

Anyone who's seen my AIM away message or Facebook status recently knows that I've been in a self-induced coma for most of the day. Actually, it's pretty much been since 2:30 this morning. I've had 4+ shots of NyQuil since then. Still...I'm having trouble sleeping.

I'm having a horrible time. Yesterday was emotionally draining, plus I'm sick (and only seem to be getting sicker). And to top it all off, I started my period yesterday, so I'm even more tired and emotional than I would otherwise be.

I feel like I'm running on empty. Like my body is flushing everything out, but not taking anything in. I'm cold and I'm lonely and I'd just like to have someone here to make sure I don't actually pass out. Feeling dizzy and disoriented...too much NyQuil.

I hate feeling like this.

Heartbreaker.

I think you're horrible. And really just cruel.

Monday you tell me you like me. "As a friend?" I ask. "More than a friend," you say.

And then tonight? "I really like you as a friend." Ouch. Really...

FYI, you really shouldn't tell a girl that you like her, hold her hand, kiss her, call her everyday, talk about spending the night...and then tell her that you don't want a relationship. It's not fair! You're so concerned about getting your own heart broken, you don't even think about the heart that you're breaking in the process.

I'd sworn off boys for a reason. I just had my heart absolutely stomped on three times this summer. I knew I wasn't strong enough to deal with this shit again. But I thought you were different...I thought you actually really liked me. Ya know, because you said you did. It wasn't anything I was making up in my head. You actually said it.

And I feel so stupid. So stupid to have fallen for it all over again. You'd think I would've learned by now. You'd think I'd be a little bit stronger. But it just hurts more every time...

Oh Fiona...

So...boys are stupid. But I'll always have Fiona Apple.

Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine.

Listening to Rachael Yamagata makes me kinda sad and angry...

I haven't been feeling very well the past few days. Well, there have been good moments, but there have also been a lot of low points. Why do I get myself into these situations?

I hate it when people promise things. I hate that the word "promise" doesn't really mean what it's supposed to mean. When someone promises something, they're just trying to placate you for the moment. They don't really have any intention of following through on what they've just promised. That's been my experience with promises, anyway. I especially hate it when someone makes a promise to you for the first time, and since you don't have any reason not to believe them, you do. And then you're doubly disappointed when they don't follow through because you weren't expecting it.

I also don't like not knowing what's going on. Especially if it's a situation that involves me. I really think that if you don't know what you want, you should probably keep your feelings to yourself. Because it's not nice to tell a girl that you like her, then not actually ask her out. Just sayin'.

FYI part deux

I'm pretty sure that a cozy sweater and a hot cup of cinnamon cocoa can cure any ill.

Nothing makes sense anymore...

I don't get it. I just don't get it. Of all the people I've ever met in my life, he seemed like the least likely to commit suicide... I don't understand. This whole thing was hard enough to deal with when I thought he'd died of something natural. I guess I should've known, when they weren't releasing the cause of death yesterday... But no, I shouldn't have known. He wouldn't do that. I mean, he just wouldn't... Okay, so he was just my vice principal, and maybe I'm taking this all a little too hard. But if you'd met him, you'd know. You'd know he wasn't that kind of person. He cared about us so much, and he was so committed to helping us... I just don't get it.

I don't think I'll ever get it.

On Top of the Effing World

I'm not gonna lie, I'm having a pretty fantastic day. First of all, it's not raining. And my shoes, which I thought were beyond repair, are pretty much back to normal. I even wore them today. My Spanish test went fantastically well, and I got back my test in Art History. 100%, bitches. Don't even ask when the last time that happened was, because I can assure you that I don't remember. I'm not sure it's even happened since I've been in college.

In Drawing, Professor Bailin talked to us about our midterm projects (self-portraits). He and I talked about how balance is a huge theme in my life, and he came up with the idea of creating a scale. I'm going to tweak his idea a little bit, probaby just do a drawing of a scale instead of actually buying a brass scale (because I'm el cheapo). On one side of the scale, I'm going to draw things representative of my creative side (art, music, knitting, etc), and on the other side of the scale I'll draw the things that keep me grounded and are more concrete (like accounting). I'm pretty excited about this project now.

ALSO I got my Vera Bradley bag today. I kind of wish that I'd picked a different pattern, but for the most part I'm happy with it. And it came in a huuuuuuge box.

Rain, rain, don't go away...just stop being so inconvenient!

I feel (and probably look) like I just stepped into the shower with all of my clothes still on. It's pouring outside, and I had to use my umbrella to protect my drawing portfolio from the rain, rather than protecting myself. Luckily my drawings didn't get wet (except for a very tiny corner of one, but it's in the border, so I don't think it's going to matter). My shoes, on the other hand, are a completely different story. I think I might have to end up buying a new pair, which is unfortunate because I definitely don't have the money to do that right now. And these are the shoes that I wear every single day. Stupid campus being built in an area that used to be a swamp. :-/

I love rain, I really do. And there's nothing I love more on a rainy day than curling up with my knitting and watching one of my old favorites on DVD. But my knitting is still sitting in the post office, and as much as I want to go get it, I'm not sure I really want to face this stupid rain again. But I suppose if I'm going to go get it (and food from the Burrow, because I haven't eaten today and I'm really hungry), I should do it before I change into dry clothes. Right? Okay...

Tummy Aches Aren't Any Fun

I'm not so sure about sushi for my birthday anymore. I got ridiculously sick after we ate at Fuji last night. Actually, food in general is making my stomach really upset lately. Except for really plain things. I guess I just want to be back at home with a bowl of potato soup and a book that doesn't suck. Speaking of which, I'm having a hard time finding one. I'm reading The Moving Finger, and it's not good. I don't know why I bought it. It's horrible. And the only other book I have left is The Blue Train, and it doesn't really sound very good to me either. Although at least it has Poirot...

I really don't feel like doing anything tonight. Other than listening to A Charlie Brown Christmas on repeat for several hours.

That conversation I had with Ray the other night has really got me in a funk. I don't know what to think. Stupid boys and their impact on my thoughts and feelings!

Food + Birthdays (what more is there to life?)

Last night I had a very weird conversation with an old friend.

I also ate at Moe's Southwest Grill, which I have to say was quite an experience (in a good way). Tonight we're going to Fuji! Mmmm...sushi!!

Twenty days until my birthday. I'm starting to get excited about it. We're going to Sekisui (and maybe Igibon) for sushi, and then Shakey's for ice cream. Although I'm thinking we might have to do Shakey's on Saturday night instead because I'm planning to be pretty freaking full of sushi, and I don't want to get sick.

My mom got me this Vera Bradley bag for my birthday. Well, I ordered it & put it on my credit card, and she's paying for it. I wanted it for my knitting, which she sent to me on Wednesday & was supposed to get here yesterday, but so far hasn't arrived. :-(

I'm also completely jazzed that The Lake House is coming out on DVD 3 days before my birthday. It's like a gift from God and Hollywood!

Mostly About Photography

Today I took pictures of Lindsay and Megan for their med school applications. I'm not going to post them because, well, they're med school app photos, which are just a smidge more interesting than passport and driver's license photos.

Ariane and I have decided that Sunday, weather permitting, we're going to do a heroin-chic photo shoot. Smudged makeup, "dirty" hair, chipped blood-red nails...the whole bit. And then I'll edit the hell out of them to make grainy black & whites. I probably will post a few of those.

In Drawing today, a golden retriever ran through the studio and drooled on my portfolio. I was not amused!

Whitney=0, Technology=1

Argggg. My DVD player worked ALL DAY yesterday. Then last night, suddenly, poof! It stops working. I mean, it works, but there's no sound. And it's done this before, but usually it's just because the DVD player is tired, and then it works by the next morning. But it's still not working tonight, and it's been almost 24 hours since I tried to play something in it.

This stinks.

The Eyes Have It

Stick-straight hair + black eyeliner + "Bruise"-colored nail polish = new self-portraits!! I'm blown away by how blue-green my eyes look in these photos...seriously, they don't look that cool in real life.

This is to every guy I've ever known...

I hate men.

I really do.

I just want to be left alone. I want to make my own decisions about the clothes I wear or the length of my hair or what I do with my own fucking life.

I want to be respected by other people, but even more than that I want to be able to respect myself.

I don't want you to call me when you're drunk. I don't want you to send me messages when you're bored and can't find anybody else to hang out with. I don't want you to tell me what you want to do with me. I don't want you to send me dirty pictures. I don't want you to tell me you love me, because I know you don't mean it.

I just want to matter to someone. I want a guy to be with me because he wants to be with me. Because he wants to be with me! And until I find that...I would really rather just be by myself. Is that really so hard to understand?

New Self-Portraits

So what do you do when you have nothing else to do? Take pictures of yourself, of course. It's been a while since I've taken any photos, and pretty soon I'm going to be taking some of a friend for her med school applications, so this was good practice. Plus I just needed new pictures, I think. Anyway, here are the 3 that I was happy with:

A Productive Day

I've done quite a lot this afternoon, which is sort of not good because now I've got a whole 3-day weekend ahead of me with nothing to do. I might spend some time outside with my sketchbook. Anyway, here's what I've done today:

• First of all, I did my Spanish homework (which isn't even due until Wednesday) during the five minutes before Art History this morning.
• I reorganized my closet and drawers.
  
• I did all of my laundry. All of it. Even stuff I won't be able to wear for another couple of months, like turtlenecks and knee socks.
• I fixed the phone. It turned out to be really easy...I'd just plugged the cord into the wrong jack when I was setting it up a couple weeks ago. I figured that was the problem, but I've just been too lazy to move Ariane's bed to fix it. Until today, anyway.
• I vacuumed the room and sprayed odor-eliminating foamy stuff on the carpet. I'm hoping this will fix the ant problem we've been having.
  

Okay, so I guess I really haven't done that much, but those were the only things that needed to be done. Other than my resumé, that is, but I need Ariane to help me a bit with that. I'd kill to have my knitting here...I bet I'd finish a whole pair of socks this weekend! I finished reading Third Girl before I left for work last night, and then I started reading The Moving Finger at work. I don't really want to finish it this weekend (although I probably will), because I've only got 2 more books left, and what will I do when those are finished? I can't really afford to buy more, unfortunately.

I Don't Know

I've got this new nightly routine, I've noticed. Around 9, I always make a cup of tea. It's not really to relax me, and I don't think it's really a conscious decision to do it at 9 every night. That just happens to be the time of the day when I get so freaking cold, I have to do something to warm myself up. Flannel pants and sweaters cease being effective, so I pretty much have to shoot up with boiling water to keep from freezing to death.

Okay, enough with the dramatics. Well, the melodramatics, anyway. I've been trying to write this entry for the past two or three days, but I keep getting interrupted. I don't want to say that this has all been inspired by my art history class, because it hasn't. I guess maybe what we've been talking about in there has helped me to look at things I've been feeling lately in a different way. Whatever, that last sentence really didn't make much sense.

In my art history class, we've been talking about truth. How do we know what's true? Well, what's true is what's real. But here's where I'm having the problem...nothing seems real to me anymore. Or at least, I'm not sure what's real and what isn't. I think being lied to by someone you thought you could trust is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. It changes you. At least, it changed me. I think I've become disillusioned with people. I don't know what to believe or who to believe. Really, on the list of things I believe in, God is just about the only thing left. And don't ask me how he managed to stay on, because really I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. It's become my default answer to just about every question.

I've also been feeling very alone lately. Not because I'm actually alone...I'm surrounded by tons of people. I think I'm trying to shut everyone out, and I'm not sure why. I suppose it's a form of self-preservation... I think feeling lonely is better than feeling loved and then finding out it was all a lie.

Post #41

I love Fiona Apple. I'm sure I've said that before, and I know I'll say it again someday. But just so's ya know...I love her. She's pretty much all I've been listening to lately.

I'm bored a lot lately. I haven't had much homework yet, so there's not much to do. Mostly I sit around listening to Fiona Apple and reading Agatha Christie. Right now I'm reading The Hollow, because I got bored with The Clocks, and I'm about halfway through it. The guy didn't die until the end of chapter 10, which would normally bother me, but there was a really good build-up in those first 10 chapters, so I didn't mind.

Last night was Shirttails. I don't really have anything to say about it, except that it really bothered me to hear guys saying, "Man, I wish they'd skip this chanting part and get to the sexy stuff." I don't know why that bothered me so much, but it did. Further proof to me that boys are, in fact, scum.

La La La...I'm bored.

So I definitely kicked ass on my Spanish quiz.

Is it weird that I've emailed my drawing professor 3 times in 2 days? I swear I'm not stalking him... Maybe.

Today I saw Andrew Gibbons. And got a kiss from Michael Barth.

I ♥ Professors

I just ate ice cream with a professor. Well, frozen custard. We picked up the Shack-Attack and took him to Shakey's for the first time. I've never hung out with a professor before...it was pretty neat. I think we should definitely do it again sometime.

Seriously, I'm in love with my drawing professor. He gave me bonus points for...uh...doing the first assignment. WTF? Yeah, I'm not complaining. Love.

Classes are still going well. I've got my first quiz in Spanish tomorrow...over things like "buenos dias" and "adios" and the days of the week. So if I don't get 100% on that, I'm pretty sure I fail at life.

Random Thoughts

I think I'm going to return my International Econ book to the bookstore. Partially because I totally need the money, but mostly because I don't think I'm going to need it. I didn't even open my book in Macro last year, and I did just fine (up until the final, but that's a whole 'nother story). I don't know about you, but I think it'd be pretty nice to get about 150 bucks credited back to my checking account. Sure would make life a little more enjoyable.

I'm done with my homework for tonight. I read the first chapters in my art history and freehand drawing textbooks, and I studied my Spanish stuff (which was a review of things I learned in 3rd grade). I'd do my sketchbook assignment for Drawing, but I don't know what the assignment is (there wasn't one in the first chapter, so maybe we don't even have one), and I don't have a sketchbook yet.

I've discovered that I really like studying in the common room. It's very cozy in there, plus it's about a thousand degrees warmer than it is in my room, which is 60 degrees right now. Seriously. I don't know who turned the thermostat down that low, but I don't really wanna piss anybody off, so I'm just gonna leave it for now. In the event that my extremeties start to turn black and fall off, I may have to say something.

Pros & Cons

I've had all of my classes, and now I'm feeling a lot better about this semester. Here are some things I like and don't like about the classes:

International Economics
Pros: I love Dr. Scott, and I've got a few friends in the class. Um, that's about it. Oh, and we don't have a comprehensive final, which is a huge relief.
Cons: I freaking hate economics. And this class is going to be hard.

Spanish
Pros: Profesora Fabricio seems really nice, and she's from Cuba so she's got the most adorable accent ever. Plus I love Spanish. And Ryan's in my class!!
Cons: I started learning Spanish from my Sesame Street books when I was 5. Today we learned how to say things like "buenos dias" and "me llamo _______." I might be pretty bored during these first few weeks.

Art History
Pros: Rod Miller seems cool...he's funny, anyway. And I know a few people in the class. And hey...I love art, and I love history, so it's gotta be a good class, right?
Cons: I don't know how much I'm going to like the professor's teaching style, but that's just because I get nervous about talking in class.

Freehand Drawing
Pros: Far and away my favorite class, definitely. I love everything about it. It's a small class, but the studio is huge. I love our assignments. I love the professor. I love his approach to drawing. Love. End of story.
Cons: Absolutely none.

So anyway, that's it. I have a good feeling about this semester.

A Tiny Rant

So what's the most embarrassing thing in the world? Having your debit card declined at freakin' Taco Bell. And it's downright scary when you know for a fact that you should have over $100 in your account. And it's upsetting when the cashier has zero tact and pretty much announces to the entire universe that your card has, in fact, been declined. Twice.

As soon as I got back here, I called my bank to find out what's going on with my account. Everything's fine, apparently, but the lady I talked to on the phone said that the cashier at Taco Bell probably tried to process it as a debit card. Which is understandable because the card does say "DEBIT" on it, even though it's not really a debit card. It's a check card, and it only works if it's run as a credit card.

I'm a little confused, because if this had happened at Dillons, we wouldn't have gotten a message that said "Declined." We would've gotten a message that said, "Invalid Card Type." I suppose the pin-pads at Taco Bell probably aren't as sophisticated as the ones at Dillons, but still...

The only reason I'm not complaining about the lady at Taco Bell is because I think she was new, and I know what it's like to be new at a job. I know what it's like to be new when there's a rush and you're still learning and you don't know exactly what to do. Still, she should've been more discrete about the situation.

Life on the Surface of the Sun

It's really hot here. I'm sure a big part of it is that I didn't spend a whole lot of time outside over the summer, so I'm not used to it. Anyway...

I spent pretty much all day with Laura & Keisha yesterday. I got to eat sushi!! Good times.

I've realized that I really hate being asked how my summer was. It was horrible. But if I tell people that, they want to know more. Normally I love to spill all the gory details of my life, but not about this summer. But I can't tell people I had a good summer, because I didn't. I guess I should probably stop asking people how their summers were if I don't want them to ask about mine...

My first class isn't until this afternoon. I got up at 8 o'clock this morning, so I could go to breakfast & run a few errands around campus. I'm meeting Laura for lunch in the Burrow at noon. I have no idea what I'm gonna do for the next 2 hours.

Mid-Morning Bordeom Blues

I'm bored. So, so bored. I woke up around a quarter to seven, 15 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. I've already bought my books ($288 and some change...and I haven't even bought my art supplies yet). That's really the only thing I had on my agenda for the day.

Last night I saw V for Vendetta. I wasn't really expecting to like it, but I did. I like it when things turn out that way.

Also last night, I bought cinnamon roll oatmeal. I've never tried it, but Ryan & Ariane both recommended it. I think maybe I'll make some right now.

Bienvenue!

Hello from Hendrix!!

Well, I'm all moved in! I still have a little unpacking to do, and I need to put stuff on the walls so they don't look so beige & boring, but my bed is made, my clothes are put away, and my parents are gone.

Moving was so un-stressful this time around. I think it's mostly because I didn't bring so much unnecessary stuff. I'm going for the whole Zen thing this year.

There's a pretty decent view of the street from my window. Lots of trees, and a nice view of the sky. It looks like it might rain soon. I'm glad I found my umbrella at the bottom of my backpack. I just realized that I forgot to bring my rain jacket...I'm really not even sure where that is, actually. I also forgot the remote control for my TV. Oh well...I guess that's why they make universal remotes!

All in all, I feel pretty good about this year. The room is really spacious and un-cluttered. Hopefully we can keep it this way, at least for a while.

Update on Packing Progress

I'm taking a new approach to packing this time. Right now there's a huge pile of stuff in the middle of the living room floor. Yes, it looks like a huge mess, but after I've gone through ALL of my stuff and decided exactly what to take, I think it'll make packing a lot easier. This is all in theory, of course.

I'm hoping to be done by 3 or 4. It's not a big deal if I don't get much sleep tonight because I can (and probably will) sleep while we're on the road tomorrow afternoon.

My brother saw Snakes on a Plane tonight. I'm ridiculously jealous of that fool.

edit:
It's 2:14 AM, and I'm almost done packing. I've got about 10-15 things left in my pile, some clothes, and a few other odds & ends around the house...then I'll be done! I'll pack up my computer in the morning, before we leave. I think I'll even have time to take a 5- or 6-hour siesta before I need to get up.

Last Day on the Range

Today was a fun day. Not so productive, but it was fun. I got up at 8:30, fully intending to spend the morning packing. Four hours later, not having packed anything, I went to Dillons to pick up my last paycheck. I was kind of disappointed because only one of my friends was working. I bought a measuring cup.

Back at home, wasted more time. Then my mom & I went to the bank, where I wiped out my savings account. I even thought about closing it completely, just so I could have that 25 bucks they make you keep in there. After the bank, we headed over to New Market Square for our appointments at Beauty First. We were about half an hour early, so we walked into some tacky little boutique called Wild at Heart. They had some ok jewelry, but it was ridiculously overpriced. 30 bucks for a pair of sterling silver earrings? I don't think so.


I had a lot of fun getting my manicure. It's definitely something I'll do again, even if it is a little expensive. The manicurist was really friendly...we mostly chatted about our dogs. I managed to smudge the polish before I left the store, but I'm not too upset about it because it's not very noticeable, and I know I'll screw them up even more during the move this weekend. I think next time I'll get some kind of pretty color instead of French tips.

Here's a picture of the early birthday present my mom gave me a few days ago, a beautiful frosted glass cameo necklace:

T-minus 15 hours until Operation Manicure commences!!

I've got 3-ish boxes packed (one isn't completely full). I'd say that's progress, sort of. I figure I can either stay up really late tonight packing, or I can go to bed soon, get up early in the morning, and work on it then. I'm voting for the morning.

So last night I downloaded 4 songs, and they've pretty much been on repeat ever since: "Hook" by Blues Traveler, "Closer to Free" by BoDeans, "All for You" by Sister Hazel, and "Secret Garden" by Bruce Springsteen. What can I say? I'm a nut for mid-'90s pop-rock.

Tomorrow shall be mucho exciting. I get to see my buddies from work. I'm getting my first manicure. I might buy some things I don't really need. Heck yes!!

I'm a dork.

This is funner than packing!

Tonight I got a Facebook invitation to a party for Asian fraternities & sororities at KU. Huh??

So I'm getting my first manicure ever tomorrow afternoon. I'm psyched, yo. 18 bucks seems a little steep, but I deserve it. At least, that's what I tell myself every time I spend money these days. Looking at my pay stubs and seeing my year-to-date earnings makes me shamefully aware of how little money I've saved this summer. Then I look through my checkbook to see where it all went, and I really can't figure out what I spent so much money on.

At least I have enough left to buy my books and art supplies. I think?

Closer to Free

There's something about the theme song from Party of Five that makes me wanna get up and crazy-dance around the living room.

Anybody care to join me?

This is what happens when you eat beef jerky & ice cream for dinner...

Project Getting Ready To Go Back To School has come to a grinding halt. I woke up in the middle of last night and spent about half an hour throwing up. It wasn't pretty, let me tell you. My stomach has still been feeling funny all day today, so I didn't go to the DMV and I didn't do any packing. I think my mom felt sorry for me, so she decided to wash my new towels & sheets for me. I'm hoping to be feeling loads better tomorrow because I have to get back on track. I'm leaving Saturday morning!

I can't believe I've only got 2 days left at home...it really doesn't seem like enough time to do all the things I've got to do. Let's just hope I don't die in the process. :-\

Daily Rundown

The past couple of days have been a waste, as far as getting ready to go back to school is concerned. But I wouldn't trade them for the world because I've spent them with family. Last night I went out to dinner with my mom and grandparents. We ate tons of Chinese food and talked and laughed for over an hour. Today I went to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie with my mom. She bought my ticket; I bought her Junior Mints ("Who wouldn't want a Junior Mint?...They're delicious!"). Afterwards, we went to Target and bought lots of things we didn't need, like chocolate brown sheets for me and ice cream for Xena.

Tomorrow I'm going to the DMV. And packing!

Playing Dress-Up

After all these years, I still love playing dress-up. After every trip to the mall, I shut myself up in my room and play "Fashion Show." I can spend hours mixing & matching everything in my wardrobe, seeing what works & what doesn't. Lately I've been wreaking havoc on the color wheel, trying to make everything match with my favorite fuschia sweater (army green goes surprisingly well, but turquoise definitely does not).

I've also been playing around with jewelry a lot lately (much more than I ever have before). It's fun re-discovering beautiful things I forgot I had, like this necklace which belonged to my grandmother. I think I've worn it once before, when I was 13 and went on my first date.


I think I might wear this necklace with my wedding dress someday. It'll be my "something blue."

Ear Infection #5,389?

My ear hurts. Like bad. I'm in denial because not only do I really not have time to go to the doctor this week, but after the hell I went through last fall I'm hoping that I never have another ear infection in my life. I think I need an ear canal transplant.

It's been raining all night. I love it. Also this is good because hopefully it won't be raining next weekend, when I'm trucking all of my stuff back to Arkansas.

Tomorrow night I'm having dinner with my mom and my grandparents at Magic Wok. It's not sushi, but it is one of my favorite restaurants. It's weird trying to fit all of the stuff I wanted to do all summer into this week. While also trying to pack.

I made a little progress on that front today...I only got one box packed, but it's a start. I packed all of the shirts that I know I'm not going to want to wear this week. All of the beautifully clean shirts that I hung up in my closet last night. What a fantastic waste of time!

FYI

This is what it looks like when you haven't done laundry in about a month:

How did I let it get so bad? Well, I haven't really needed to do laundry because I've been working so much. Every few days I would wash my uniform and some socks & underwear, and maybe a shirt that I really wanted to wear. After work, I'd usually just put on my pjs or some kind of lounge-y clothes. Now I'm not working, and I've run out of cute stuff to wear. I've definitely got a solid 4 or 5 loads here. Jeez...

Seriously, it's been so long since I've done laundry that under this mess I found a pair of shoes I forgot I owned. How sad is that?!

Goodbye, Store 35...

Today was my last day at my job. The whole thing was kind of bittersweet for me, because of course I'm glad to be done with work, but I'm also going to miss the people I worked with. They made me cry today...the security guard, Roger, got me a bunch of school supplies & a big "Good Luck" balloon & a beautiful card. He took the card around the store with him and had everybody who was working sign it. It was such a sweet thing to do, ya know? And completely unexpected.

Anyway, I'm really going to miss working there. I'm going back in mid-December, when I come home for Christmas. And if I can't find a job before next summer, I'm sure I'll end up back there again. I'm hoping to get a corporate job with the company, in the accounting department. Xavier said he'd talk to the guy in Human Resources for me.

Overall, this job has been such a great experience for me. I'm really going to miss it.

Ramblings

So I thought this whole head cold thing had gone away, but apparently I was mistaken. Sneezing=no fun.

Last night while I was at work, UScan broke. I don't really know why, other than the fact that the cord connecting the printer to the computer broke. But that wouldn't explain why one of the machines spazzed out & shut itself down, or why the till wouldn't open (again!). So Allie told me to just shut the whole thing down and go home early. Going home early is always nice.

Tonight I'm going out to dinner with family. I don't really have anything else to say about that, except that I wish we were having sushi, but we're not.

In Love and Coziness

Today my mom baked a blueberry pie, completely from scratch, crust & all. We have this tradition whenever she makes her own pie crust. Before she puts the pie in the oven, she sprinkles cinnamon sugar on the crust scraps and bakes them. It makes the whole house smell like cinnamon. A very cozy smell.


I think cozy is my favorite feeling. It's why brown is my favorite color. It's why a candle that's been blown out is my favorite smell. My favorite memories are of coming home from school on autumn afternoons, walking into a house that smelled like candles and freshly-baked cookies.

So Goal #2 is to teach myself how to bake this year. I'll buy some good cookie sheets and canisters for storing staples, like flour and sugar. I mean, I can cook alright, but I've never been that great at baking. I think it's just something that takes a lot of practice, and I'd like to be able to create those cozy feelings of warmth and love for myself & my own family someday.

Two Thumbs Up for Effective Government Programs!

Can we just talk about how happy this article makes me? Okay, so maybe you've never heard of WIC. Neither had I, until I started working at a grocery store. But since then, I've learned a little bit about it, and it's actually a really great program. It's one of those rare programs that gives me faith in the government.

WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) is a federal program that promotes good nutrition for statistically at-risk groups (pregnant women, new mothers, babies, and young children). They receive vouchers for nutritious foods to supplement their diet, such as milk, juice, cheese, eggs, and beans.

Anyway, the article from today's paper announced that soon the WIC program may be adding fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to the vouchers. This makes me ridiculously happy. The idea of a program that educates people, so they can use that knowledge to stay healthy after they're off the program...the idea of starting children on a healthy path so they can grow up to be healthy people...the idea of preventative care! It's exactly what the government should be doing to help people. Helping them help themselves, ya know? It reminds me of FDR's New Deal...giving people jobs & skills, not handouts. If only more government programs were like that...

Post #17

It's been a few days since my last update. Nothing much is going on here, really. I worked with the scanning crew on Wednesday, and (as always) I felt like I was gonna die. Getting up at 3 am and working for 9 hours really kicks my ass, let me tell you. I don't know why I agreed to do it two days next week. I guess I wanted to go out with a bang. And a fat paycheck.

My lightning bolt earrings and anchor necklace were delivered yesterday. I'm very much in love with them.

I really like the harmonica. That's really not as random as it seems...I'm listening to a playlist of my favorite Billy Joel songs, and "Piano Man" just came on. I don't think this song would be nearly as good without that damn harmonica. It's like my cowbell.

A blast from the past...for only $14.99!

The most wonderful thing in the world happened today. I went to Target with my mom, like I do pretty much every Tuesday. And guess what I found? Alice in Wonderland! It's the made-for-TV version from 1985, which my mom taped when it originally aired, and I used to watch it all the time when I was a kid. It was just released on DVD today! It's 187 minutes of pure nostalgia. Of course, just like when I was a kid, I couldn't make it through the whole thing without falling asleep. So I guess I'll just have to try watching Part 2 again some other time.

Pretty soon I'll be leaving to go to my dad's house. I have to be at work at 4 o'clock tomorrow morning, which is horrible. I'd pretty much like to kill Chris for making my schedule like that.

Reasons Why I Hate My Job

• It's the most labor-intensive job I've ever had, which isn't saying much because my other jobs have been desk jobs. Still, this has been a ridiculously hot summer, so it hasn't been easy to adjust to.
• I'm not very good at this job. I work hard, but that still doesn't seem to make up for the fact that I sort of suck at it. I make mistakes all the time, which is so hard for me to deal with.
• They make me do weird shit like Scanning, for which I have to come in at 4 am. Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to do Scanning. It's not what I was hired to do, and it's not what I was trained to do. Don't ask my dad if something is going to be okay with me, ask me!
  
• People are stupid. And rude. And impatient. They've shaken my faith in humanity, like to the point where I don't necessarily think mandatory sterilization would be a bad idea in some cases.
• I look seriously fugly in my uniform. Just sayin'.