A little bit about me...Okay, so it's actually my entire life story.

I don't know if anybody's reading this. I sort of hope not. But just in case, I guess I should tell the world a little bit about myself.

I was born on a Saturday night in late September 1984. Everyone wanted my mom to have a boy, but she secretly hoped for a girl. She wanted to name me Amelia, but I guess my dad didn't like that, so they named me Whitney. I've never really liked my name, even though people are always telling me how beautiful it is. Anyway, my dad had been married once before, so when I was born I already had 2 siblings--Mike, who was 16, and Tracey, who was almost 14. Because they're both so much older, I've never been very close to either of them. When I was 2, my mom gave birth to my younger brother, Tyler. At the time, I really hated her for it.

So Tyler & I grew up in a house on the south side of town, across the street from the house where our mother grew up. Mom was always stressed out; Dad was always playing golf. There were a lot of boys our age in the neighborhood, but no girls. I spent a lot of time alone when I was a kid, and I got used to it. I learned to use my imagination & be creative. I colored, read books, played with dolls, etc. I think it's because of this that I really enjoy & cherish my solitude now. It's how I relax and recharge my batteries.

When I was 12, my parents split up. Within the year, my dad got remarried, and I gained 4 step-siblings. Even though that was 8 years ago, I'm still trying to adjust to my new family. Mostly I feel like instead of growing, my family has gotten smaller...it's just me, Tyler, and Mom. And even though Tyler still lives at home, most of the time I feel like he's been absorbed into his girlfriend's family. Holidays don't seem to mean anything around here anymore. We don't even have a dining room table anymore. I can't help but feel like my family has fallen apart.

In school, I always excelled. I switched schools a lot (for various reasons), so I got pretty good at making new friends. Academically, I did well, and my teachers always liked me. School was my thing. I even graduated valedictorian in high school. Then college came along, and I don't know what happened...suddenly, friends seemed more important than school. The classes I took were in subjects I wasn't very good at, and I lost a lot of confidence in my abilities. Since then, I've sort of given up at being The Best. I've found something I'm reasonably good at (accounting), but I absolutely hate it. I'm only sticking with it so I can get a job when I graduate.

I had my first boyfriend when I was 13. It was a silly little 2-week thing, but he was my best friend and it was my first kiss, so of course I thought it was Love. After it ended, I was absolutely heart-broken for about 3 days. No more blips on the love radar until the end of my freshman year of college, when I made out with a drunk friend who had absolutely no interest in me beyond that night. Another dry spell. Then in April of this year, after getting so stinking drunk at a friend's birthday party that I jumped (fully-clothed) in a fountain, I had my first Random Hookup With A Stranger. A couple weeks later, at another friend's birthday party, I flirted with a guy I barely knew. That blossomed into a lovely little 2-week affair, during which I finally gave up my V-Card. I didn't love him, I think he barely even liked me, and I sort of regret the whole thing. I came home for the summer, dated a guy for a couple weeks, and quickly lost interest after I broke down in tears during a very dissatisfying sexual encounter.

Then I met Shane, who seemed like the guy I'd always dreamed about finding. It really felt like magic. He told me I was beautiful, and said that he loved me, and he talked about our future together. He seemed so sincere when he was saying these things. I really believed that I could (and would) spend the rest of my life with him. Things seemed to be falling perfectly into place. Then I got an email from his other girlfriend. Honestly, I'd had my suspicions while we were dating, which is why I believed her. But the relationship ended so abruptly that I was absolutely heart-broken, even though I knew he was a liar and a scumbag. I still find myself wishing it were him everytime the phone rings, but I know I'm just missing the person I thought he was.

So I guess that brings us to the present. I'm going back to school in about a month. I guess I don't really know what to expect this year. Most of my friends graduated back in May, and several others are living off-campus this year. My only real friends left on campus will be my roommate and her boyfriend. I suppose life will revert back to the way it used to be...I'll spend a lot of time alone, forcing me to focus on school to pass the time. Maybe it'll help me get my life back on track.