ATTN: Men of the World

Alright guys, fyi: When a girl says she likes you, PLEASE don't respond with something that could be mistaken for "I like you too" if you don't actually like her. Because false hope really sucks. And the puffy eyes stick with you for several hours after you've stopped crying, making it really hard to look amazing and make the guy feel like an ass for turning you down.

Sucking the Marrow out of Life Since 2007

I watched Dead Poets Society last night, so I'm in a very "carpe diem" mood right now. So I'm just gonna tell him. I'm not sure when...probably the next time we hang out. But yeah...I'm gonna tell him that I like him. Why not? It's like Ariane said...even if I get hurt, embrace the pain because it's real. It's a feeling. It's a sign that you're really living.

Anyway, I'm sick. Really sick. Like, coughing up bits of vital organs sick. I'm going to see the nurse this afternoon, and hopefully she'll prescribe me some lovely drugs.

Sneezy McSneezerson

Having a great day. Actually not sleepy, in spite of not getting much this weekend. Walked to Something Brewing with Ariane this afternoon...temporarily cleared out my sinuses, nursed my coffee addiction, and supported small business all in one fell swoop!

I miss somebody. And I'm confused about somebody else. Last night I was told that I'm a really hard person to like, which made me cry considering the context of the conversation and the person who said it. Well, and just the fact that it was said... I'm hypersensitive about that kind of stuff...I want everyone to like me. Maybe it's because I'm not mean to people for no reason, but I don't understand why someone would say something like that to me, completely unprovoked.

Later this week I'm going to try making lasagna with a ground beef substitute.

P.S. When I blow my nose, I sound like the lovechild of a goose and an elephant.

Death & Dying

So what's the thing to do when you've got the flu? Oh, that's right...get up at 6:30 in the morning. I couldn't breathe, and I kept waking up every 30 minutes or so to blow my nose, and I'm pretty sure it was starting to piss off my roommate. So I've been hanging out in the common room most of the morning...talking to my mom and reading The Jungle Book. I'd really like to watch one of the 6 DVDs I got yesterday, but, ya know, it's 10 a.m. and she's still sleeping...

In theory, I should be studying for that test I need to make up.

TMI alert: I've started coughing some shit up. It's really nasty. But the good thing, according to my mother, is that this means it's all breaking up, and I should be over it soon. In the meantime, it huuuuurts. Like my chest still hurts from coughing half an hour ago. Not to mention I get light-headed everytime I blow my nose, and the skin around my nose is really red and raw from blowing it so much. Yuck.

Sick as a Dog, but Feeling Strangely Fine

And I just keep getting sicker.

But it's been a good weekend. I guess it's really been a 3-day weekend because I skipped my classes on Friday (including my test, which my professor is letting me make up later). And after work Thursday night, I ended up going over to Andrew's apartment for a drink. Last night I ended up drunk in Laura's apartment, with a fever, crying my eyes out because I ran out of tissues and my nose was hurting from blowing it on cheap toilet paper.

Today Laura & I went to Target so I could buy some more tissues, and I ended up buying 6 movies. Yes, six. And there were 4 more I had to convince myself not to buy. I got The Prestige, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Dead Poets Society, Matilda, 12 Angry Men, and Under the Tuscan Sun. The ones I almost bought were The Virgin Suicides, When Harry Met Sally, Aladdin, and Man of the Year. Because what do you do when you're sick? You watch movies...

I ate fake meat for dinner. It was actually really good... I don't think I'm going to become a vegetarian, but I think I'm going to start incorporating more substitutes into my diet. It's not really the animal cruelty that gets me, though...I mean, yes, that stuff is horrible, but I've known about it for a long time and it's never been enough to convince me to stop eating meat. But the chemicals do...they really worry me. I've got cancer on both sides of my family medical history, and pumping my body full of that stuff kind of scares me. Anyway...

Ugh

I feel awwwwwwwwwwwwful. And I haven't studied for my Corporate Strategy test yet. Oops...

I made dinner for Laura, Andrew, Ariane, and myself tonight. Parmesan-garlic breaded flounder, mac & cheese, and oven fries. And cinnamon bites for dessert. Yummmmm. It was stressful, though...I forgot that I needed to thaw the fish. I'm pretty sure I probably gave my friends food poisoning.

So I don't know if it's because I feel like crap or because it was just a really emotional episode (I hate admitting that I'm attached to fake people), but I could not stop crying during "Grey's Anatomy" tonight. It was ridiculous.

Going to work doesn't sound like so much fun tonight. I'd rather stay snuggled up in my pink blanket and go to bed early. I'm definitely skipping classes tomorrow (except for Corporate Strategy, because I have to take that test).

Alright...time for work...

Post #153

So I've decided that if I do get a tattoo, it's going to be the word "breathe" on my wrist. I've got it written there in permanent marker right now...I just wanna walk around with it for a few days. Get used to the idea of it being there forever. Right now I really like it...it looks beautiful.

Ariane and I were talking about this last night...I started this semester with the worst attitude in the world. I just knew it was going to be a bad semester. And it was pretty bad for a while. But this has been the best week of my life...I'm happy. Really, really happy. I feel free. I feel good about myself. I feel like I can do anything. It's amazing how quickly life can turn around.

I woke up with a cold this morning. I'm pretty sure it's just allergies, since we've been leaving the windows open 24/7. Hopefully it'll go away soon...I'm gonna buy some medicine when Laura & I go to Kroger this afternoon.

Tattoo

So I'm thinking about getting a tattoo. I'd like to get this tree of life design (without the border), about an inch in diameter on my left wrist. That, or the word "breathe" (to remind myself to just take life one moment at a time, and don't worry too much about the past or the future...just breathe).

Study Break

I just gave blood.

I'm thinking about getting a tattoo.

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IT'S BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE!!

Mardi Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!

I'm drunk.

I like a boy.

These are things which normally do not go together.

However, God has seen fit to make sure I don't screw up a friendship, so I did not happen to see said boy while in this state of intoxication.

Um, yes. Okay. GOODNIGHT!!

Happiness Is

Another beautiful day, another beautiful mood.

Last night, Ariane & I stayed up until 2 a.m. talking. Talking about love and life and passion and beauty. I realized a lot of things last night. I realized that I'm sick of these schmucks I've been dating, who don't do anything, don't think anything, don't feel anything. I'd rather go through life alone, feeling and experiencing everything I can, than to be in a boring relationship where I'm not being challenged or stimulated.

I also realized that I need to forget about my past, especially 2006. I need to stop using that as a crutch. Yes, bad things happened to me, but if I don't get over it then I'm never going to let myself be happy. Working jobs a monkey could do isn't going to make me happy, so right now my plan for after graduation really sucks. Yes, I need money, but I'm also intelligent, creative, and hard-working. And I have a passion for helping people. So I'm not really sure what I'm going to do now, but it needs to be something important. It needs to be something meaningful.

Anyway, today has been a great day. After class, I took a walk down to Something Brewing and got some coffee. The coffee was good, but mostly I just wanted to walk and enjoy the sun and the wind and the smell of everything springing back to life. I'm really and truly happy.

An Ode to Spring

Spring is springing all over the place.
From my window I can see
Buds on bare branches and
Little grass seedlings poking their way up
Between the dead brown blades.
The sun is warm and
The breeze is cool and
The air smells so sweet.
It's my favorite time of year,
And this year it's coming early.
Like a beautiful present
I get to open all over again
Each morning.

SPRING!

Bliss

Highlights of the past 24 hours:

• I looked freaking gorgeous in my dress.
• Lots of sexual innuendo (example: when I asked a friend of mine to make me not cold anymore, he responded by saying, "Sorry, but my bed's back in Conway").
• I was told that I'm "too beautiful to be so nice" (actually, I took offense to this, but I think it was supposed to be a compliment?).
• This morning I was asked to go on an adventure, which led us to a beautiful German Catholic church in the middle of nowhere.

I've had a fantastic weekend.

A Nothing Entry

I've been burning myself a lot lately. Mostly on the oven, but then this morning with my flat-iron (which I haven't used in forever).

Tonight is formal!! We've got a room at the Holiday Inn downtown, and we're having dinner at Macaroni Grill. It's kinda funny...I wasn't even originally planning to go to formal.

Waiting, waiting, waiting...waiting for Laura to call me so we can go to Target to get her some shoes for formal. I think I might buy a couple picture frames. Ya know, because it's not like I have enough or anything (actually, I really don't).

I'm bored.

Skin

Achoo.

A few days ago I finally got around to buying John Mayer's latest album. I'm one of those people who should never buy more than one album at a time. A couple days before I bought Continuum, I bought the new Norah Jones album, Not Too Late. And it's amazing! But since buying Continuum, I've hardly listened to Not Too Late. So now it'll be one of those things that just sits in my iPod, collecting digital dust.

Cheap nail polish smells really bad. :-\

We had so much trouble working out the transportation thing for formal, we ended up just booking a hotel room at the Holiday Inn in downtown Little Rock. I think we'll all have a lot more fun this way, and it'll make the experience last a lot longer because now we're planning to head down to Little Rock in mid-afternoon and not coming back until the next morning. Needless to say, I'm really freaking excited about formal. I love my dress. I love the people I'm going with. Yeah...♥

I really need to do laundry today. And I think I'm coming down with a cold. :-\

Happy ♥ Day

Done-done. Yep.

Yeah, I quit. And by that, I mean that today is over. Okay, I have to go to work tonight, and I'm going to try to finish reading my book sometime today, but the things I hate doing are done. Saturday I ordered prints of the photos that I took of Ariane, and today I got an offer for a free 8x10 and set of 4 wallets from Snapfish. So I ordered a few more photos...an 8x10 of my mom, wallets of Max, and a couple of 5x7s of Katie photos that I love.

Must resist temptation to buy 8 million frames.

Done-ish? Are you sure that's a word?

CS case is done-ish. Skipping CA and FM today. I suck.

But it's over. The deluge of work that started with last Thursday's MBC test and wrapped around to this week is finally over. I need to finish reading If Aristotle Ran General Motors and type up an outline of my group's presentation over it, but I'm enjoying the book (of which I only have about 30 or 40 pages left to read), and the outline isn't a big deal. I don't think I have any other big things until my CS test on the 23rd. Maybe an FM test before or around then. Which means that I get to relax this week, so I should be in a good mood by the time formal rolls around on Saturday. There's nothing worse than being tired & cranky when a big event is happening.

I think I want to go home, tear everything off of my walls, and create a studio for my photography. I've already got a start. If only prints and frames were free. :-\

Blah :-\

Yesterday I burned my tongue on some soup. It still huuuurts.
Once again, I'm doing a case for Corporate Strategy the morning that it's due. I hate this class. I thought it was going to be an easy way to get my comp grade, and for the most part it is, but these cases are ridiculous.
Listening to "Home" by Jack Johnson makes me really sad. It makes me miss my mom and my dog and my life. All of that is missing when I'm here.
Boys are something I should seriously stay away from. Love is starting to make me feel like a bad person.
I've got stuff to mail today, but I don't know when I'm going to be able to do it. Mostly because I suck at getting things done.
I'm not happy. I'm sure that's obvious. I try to be happy and normal, but sometimes I'd really rather just sit in my room by myself. These days, that doesn't even get to happen too much. My only real way to escape is to get in my fort. And shut people out emotionally, since I can't seem to do it physically.
I feel like everything I've worked for has been in vain. I worked hard in school, and look where it's gotten me...at a school I hate with a major I can't stand. I work hard at my jobs, but I still make barely above minimum wage and never have any money. No car (well, no license, but I wouldn't have a car even if I did have a license), no boyfriend, very few friends. Meanwhile, my brother has skated by in life. He's half-assed everything he's ever done, and has usually been able to get other people to do his work for him. He can't even wake himself up in the morning. But he's got a nice cushy job that pays almost 13 bucks an hour (a job he skipped 4 times in less than 2 weeks...and still didn't get fired). And he's got a freaking gorgeous girlfriend. He just bought a new car, and after trying to get out of it, the car dealer improved his deal. This kid has NO CREDIT, yet he has a better interest rate on his car loan than my mom (who has excellent credit). My mom says this is all just my perception, that things aren't really as polarized as I'm making them out to be. Whatever.
I'm cranky. :-\

Brokedown Beauty

New photos on Flickr. Go check 'em out.

The Day of 1000 Packages

Okay, well, really just two packages. But they were both full of fun stuff. I got the 2 dresses I ordered, as well as my new shoes. The shoes are fantastic. Love 'em. And I love the brown dress that I got...which is good, because it was the one I wanted the most. I'm not 100% crazy about the black dress. I mean, it's an OK-looking dress, but it's a little too big and lacks a little bit of structure. Overall, however, I'm pretty happy. Especially with the brown dress. GORGEOUS.

My Cost Accounting test went pretty well this morning. And I got back my cases in Corporate Strategy, and I did okay on them (89% on the first one, 95% on the second one). Academically, it's been a good day.

Aaaaaaaagh, all I wanna do is take a nap...

Crazy Messed Up Thing

My first test of the semester is in 3 hours. I'm not really worried about it. I've read 4 out of the 5 chapters (and I'll probably skim that chapter between now & 1:15). I need to go over my notes a few times. Other than that, I'm trying not to stress out about it. I really hate studying for the first test in any class, especially if I've never had the professor before. Unless you can look at old exams, it's really like blind studying. You have no idea what to expect. So I'm just not worrying about it.

The burn on my hand from Saturday night is finally starting to heal. It still looks pretty gross, but it's getting smaller. Hopefully the scar won't be too bad.

Tomorrow I'm expecting packages galore...the two dresses I ordered from Kiyonna and the shoes I ordered from J.Crew. And formal is next weekend! I hope it warms up a bit before then. Tuesday it was soooooooo gorgeous here...it got up to 67 degrees! Beautiful. But then yesterday it decided to get cold again, and right now it's about 34 degrees outside. If it's gonna be that cold next weekend, I'm not so sure I wanna be walking around downtown Little Rock in a dress & heels.

Anyway, I'd better go take a shower and do some studying.

Big News!!

I just found out that my sister is having a baby in May!! Yayyyyyyy! I'm so happy for her. It'll be her 4th. I bet Kennedy, Kendal, & Kylee are excited to get a new little brother or sister!

edit: Um...nevermind?

Well, Hot Dog!

I just built a fort. Yeah, I know you're jealous.

Anxiously Awaiting

Spring, that is. It's been a bit warmer (and sunnier!) the past couple of days, and it's got me really looking forward to spring. Today I ordered 2 pairs of sandals...a pair of navy espadrilles and a pair of pink flip-flops. Mmm...very few things make me happier than a sunny spring day.

P.S.

This morning my mom found one of my all-time favorite photographs. It's of Mike holding me and Tracey holding Tyler, when I was maybe 3 or 4 years old. I haven't seen the photo in at least 10 years. It may seem stupid, but this photo means so much to me. Anyway, needless to say, I'm really happy.

Aftermath

Drrrrrrrunkkkkkkkkk. That's what I was last night. I was drunk from 4:30 until about midnight. I burned my hand on the oven while I was making pizza. But anyway, I had fun. Lots of people showed up. Good times were had by all.

Exhausted

Tomorrow night Laura & I are throwing a pizza party at her apartment at 6. I have like 8 million things to do between now & then, like baking 2 batches of cookies, going to the liquor store, helping Laura clean her apartment, and doing all of the prep work for the pizzas (so all we have to do is assemble & pop them in the oven when the party starts). Don't get me wrong...I'm absolutely excited about this party. But I'm also exhausted and wishing that throwing parties were effortless.

I spent a good chunk of today creating this sign to hang on Laura's door tomorrow night (the Emo's Pizza thing is sort of an inside joke):


But on the bright side of things, I bought some Dole 100% apple juice, a.k.a. heaven in a bottle. This is one of the few things that would calm my upset tummy on those mornings when I had to go to work at 4 a.m. I'd drink it during my break, and it would make me feel 1000% better.

I'm really hoping to see a certain someone at the party tomorrow night...