I Don't Know

I've got this new nightly routine, I've noticed. Around 9, I always make a cup of tea. It's not really to relax me, and I don't think it's really a conscious decision to do it at 9 every night. That just happens to be the time of the day when I get so freaking cold, I have to do something to warm myself up. Flannel pants and sweaters cease being effective, so I pretty much have to shoot up with boiling water to keep from freezing to death.

Okay, enough with the dramatics. Well, the melodramatics, anyway. I've been trying to write this entry for the past two or three days, but I keep getting interrupted. I don't want to say that this has all been inspired by my art history class, because it hasn't. I guess maybe what we've been talking about in there has helped me to look at things I've been feeling lately in a different way. Whatever, that last sentence really didn't make much sense.

In my art history class, we've been talking about truth. How do we know what's true? Well, what's true is what's real. But here's where I'm having the problem...nothing seems real to me anymore. Or at least, I'm not sure what's real and what isn't. I think being lied to by someone you thought you could trust is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. It changes you. At least, it changed me. I think I've become disillusioned with people. I don't know what to believe or who to believe. Really, on the list of things I believe in, God is just about the only thing left. And don't ask me how he managed to stay on, because really I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. It's become my default answer to just about every question.

I've also been feeling very alone lately. Not because I'm actually alone...I'm surrounded by tons of people. I think I'm trying to shut everyone out, and I'm not sure why. I suppose it's a form of self-preservation... I think feeling lonely is better than feeling loved and then finding out it was all a lie.

Post #41

I love Fiona Apple. I'm sure I've said that before, and I know I'll say it again someday. But just so's ya know...I love her. She's pretty much all I've been listening to lately.

I'm bored a lot lately. I haven't had much homework yet, so there's not much to do. Mostly I sit around listening to Fiona Apple and reading Agatha Christie. Right now I'm reading The Hollow, because I got bored with The Clocks, and I'm about halfway through it. The guy didn't die until the end of chapter 10, which would normally bother me, but there was a really good build-up in those first 10 chapters, so I didn't mind.

Last night was Shirttails. I don't really have anything to say about it, except that it really bothered me to hear guys saying, "Man, I wish they'd skip this chanting part and get to the sexy stuff." I don't know why that bothered me so much, but it did. Further proof to me that boys are, in fact, scum.

La La La...I'm bored.

So I definitely kicked ass on my Spanish quiz.

Is it weird that I've emailed my drawing professor 3 times in 2 days? I swear I'm not stalking him... Maybe.

Today I saw Andrew Gibbons. And got a kiss from Michael Barth.

I ♥ Professors

I just ate ice cream with a professor. Well, frozen custard. We picked up the Shack-Attack and took him to Shakey's for the first time. I've never hung out with a professor before...it was pretty neat. I think we should definitely do it again sometime.

Seriously, I'm in love with my drawing professor. He gave me bonus points for...uh...doing the first assignment. WTF? Yeah, I'm not complaining. Love.

Classes are still going well. I've got my first quiz in Spanish tomorrow...over things like "buenos dias" and "adios" and the days of the week. So if I don't get 100% on that, I'm pretty sure I fail at life.

Random Thoughts

I think I'm going to return my International Econ book to the bookstore. Partially because I totally need the money, but mostly because I don't think I'm going to need it. I didn't even open my book in Macro last year, and I did just fine (up until the final, but that's a whole 'nother story). I don't know about you, but I think it'd be pretty nice to get about 150 bucks credited back to my checking account. Sure would make life a little more enjoyable.

I'm done with my homework for tonight. I read the first chapters in my art history and freehand drawing textbooks, and I studied my Spanish stuff (which was a review of things I learned in 3rd grade). I'd do my sketchbook assignment for Drawing, but I don't know what the assignment is (there wasn't one in the first chapter, so maybe we don't even have one), and I don't have a sketchbook yet.

I've discovered that I really like studying in the common room. It's very cozy in there, plus it's about a thousand degrees warmer than it is in my room, which is 60 degrees right now. Seriously. I don't know who turned the thermostat down that low, but I don't really wanna piss anybody off, so I'm just gonna leave it for now. In the event that my extremeties start to turn black and fall off, I may have to say something.

Pros & Cons

I've had all of my classes, and now I'm feeling a lot better about this semester. Here are some things I like and don't like about the classes:

International Economics
Pros: I love Dr. Scott, and I've got a few friends in the class. Um, that's about it. Oh, and we don't have a comprehensive final, which is a huge relief.
Cons: I freaking hate economics. And this class is going to be hard.

Spanish
Pros: Profesora Fabricio seems really nice, and she's from Cuba so she's got the most adorable accent ever. Plus I love Spanish. And Ryan's in my class!!
Cons: I started learning Spanish from my Sesame Street books when I was 5. Today we learned how to say things like "buenos dias" and "me llamo _______." I might be pretty bored during these first few weeks.

Art History
Pros: Rod Miller seems cool...he's funny, anyway. And I know a few people in the class. And hey...I love art, and I love history, so it's gotta be a good class, right?
Cons: I don't know how much I'm going to like the professor's teaching style, but that's just because I get nervous about talking in class.

Freehand Drawing
Pros: Far and away my favorite class, definitely. I love everything about it. It's a small class, but the studio is huge. I love our assignments. I love the professor. I love his approach to drawing. Love. End of story.
Cons: Absolutely none.

So anyway, that's it. I have a good feeling about this semester.

A Tiny Rant

So what's the most embarrassing thing in the world? Having your debit card declined at freakin' Taco Bell. And it's downright scary when you know for a fact that you should have over $100 in your account. And it's upsetting when the cashier has zero tact and pretty much announces to the entire universe that your card has, in fact, been declined. Twice.

As soon as I got back here, I called my bank to find out what's going on with my account. Everything's fine, apparently, but the lady I talked to on the phone said that the cashier at Taco Bell probably tried to process it as a debit card. Which is understandable because the card does say "DEBIT" on it, even though it's not really a debit card. It's a check card, and it only works if it's run as a credit card.

I'm a little confused, because if this had happened at Dillons, we wouldn't have gotten a message that said "Declined." We would've gotten a message that said, "Invalid Card Type." I suppose the pin-pads at Taco Bell probably aren't as sophisticated as the ones at Dillons, but still...

The only reason I'm not complaining about the lady at Taco Bell is because I think she was new, and I know what it's like to be new at a job. I know what it's like to be new when there's a rush and you're still learning and you don't know exactly what to do. Still, she should've been more discrete about the situation.

Life on the Surface of the Sun

It's really hot here. I'm sure a big part of it is that I didn't spend a whole lot of time outside over the summer, so I'm not used to it. Anyway...

I spent pretty much all day with Laura & Keisha yesterday. I got to eat sushi!! Good times.

I've realized that I really hate being asked how my summer was. It was horrible. But if I tell people that, they want to know more. Normally I love to spill all the gory details of my life, but not about this summer. But I can't tell people I had a good summer, because I didn't. I guess I should probably stop asking people how their summers were if I don't want them to ask about mine...

My first class isn't until this afternoon. I got up at 8 o'clock this morning, so I could go to breakfast & run a few errands around campus. I'm meeting Laura for lunch in the Burrow at noon. I have no idea what I'm gonna do for the next 2 hours.

Mid-Morning Bordeom Blues

I'm bored. So, so bored. I woke up around a quarter to seven, 15 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. I've already bought my books ($288 and some change...and I haven't even bought my art supplies yet). That's really the only thing I had on my agenda for the day.

Last night I saw V for Vendetta. I wasn't really expecting to like it, but I did. I like it when things turn out that way.

Also last night, I bought cinnamon roll oatmeal. I've never tried it, but Ryan & Ariane both recommended it. I think maybe I'll make some right now.

Bienvenue!

Hello from Hendrix!!

Well, I'm all moved in! I still have a little unpacking to do, and I need to put stuff on the walls so they don't look so beige & boring, but my bed is made, my clothes are put away, and my parents are gone.

Moving was so un-stressful this time around. I think it's mostly because I didn't bring so much unnecessary stuff. I'm going for the whole Zen thing this year.

There's a pretty decent view of the street from my window. Lots of trees, and a nice view of the sky. It looks like it might rain soon. I'm glad I found my umbrella at the bottom of my backpack. I just realized that I forgot to bring my rain jacket...I'm really not even sure where that is, actually. I also forgot the remote control for my TV. Oh well...I guess that's why they make universal remotes!

All in all, I feel pretty good about this year. The room is really spacious and un-cluttered. Hopefully we can keep it this way, at least for a while.

Update on Packing Progress

I'm taking a new approach to packing this time. Right now there's a huge pile of stuff in the middle of the living room floor. Yes, it looks like a huge mess, but after I've gone through ALL of my stuff and decided exactly what to take, I think it'll make packing a lot easier. This is all in theory, of course.

I'm hoping to be done by 3 or 4. It's not a big deal if I don't get much sleep tonight because I can (and probably will) sleep while we're on the road tomorrow afternoon.

My brother saw Snakes on a Plane tonight. I'm ridiculously jealous of that fool.

edit:
It's 2:14 AM, and I'm almost done packing. I've got about 10-15 things left in my pile, some clothes, and a few other odds & ends around the house...then I'll be done! I'll pack up my computer in the morning, before we leave. I think I'll even have time to take a 5- or 6-hour siesta before I need to get up.

Last Day on the Range

Today was a fun day. Not so productive, but it was fun. I got up at 8:30, fully intending to spend the morning packing. Four hours later, not having packed anything, I went to Dillons to pick up my last paycheck. I was kind of disappointed because only one of my friends was working. I bought a measuring cup.

Back at home, wasted more time. Then my mom & I went to the bank, where I wiped out my savings account. I even thought about closing it completely, just so I could have that 25 bucks they make you keep in there. After the bank, we headed over to New Market Square for our appointments at Beauty First. We were about half an hour early, so we walked into some tacky little boutique called Wild at Heart. They had some ok jewelry, but it was ridiculously overpriced. 30 bucks for a pair of sterling silver earrings? I don't think so.


I had a lot of fun getting my manicure. It's definitely something I'll do again, even if it is a little expensive. The manicurist was really friendly...we mostly chatted about our dogs. I managed to smudge the polish before I left the store, but I'm not too upset about it because it's not very noticeable, and I know I'll screw them up even more during the move this weekend. I think next time I'll get some kind of pretty color instead of French tips.

Here's a picture of the early birthday present my mom gave me a few days ago, a beautiful frosted glass cameo necklace:

T-minus 15 hours until Operation Manicure commences!!

I've got 3-ish boxes packed (one isn't completely full). I'd say that's progress, sort of. I figure I can either stay up really late tonight packing, or I can go to bed soon, get up early in the morning, and work on it then. I'm voting for the morning.

So last night I downloaded 4 songs, and they've pretty much been on repeat ever since: "Hook" by Blues Traveler, "Closer to Free" by BoDeans, "All for You" by Sister Hazel, and "Secret Garden" by Bruce Springsteen. What can I say? I'm a nut for mid-'90s pop-rock.

Tomorrow shall be mucho exciting. I get to see my buddies from work. I'm getting my first manicure. I might buy some things I don't really need. Heck yes!!

I'm a dork.

This is funner than packing!

Tonight I got a Facebook invitation to a party for Asian fraternities & sororities at KU. Huh??

So I'm getting my first manicure ever tomorrow afternoon. I'm psyched, yo. 18 bucks seems a little steep, but I deserve it. At least, that's what I tell myself every time I spend money these days. Looking at my pay stubs and seeing my year-to-date earnings makes me shamefully aware of how little money I've saved this summer. Then I look through my checkbook to see where it all went, and I really can't figure out what I spent so much money on.

At least I have enough left to buy my books and art supplies. I think?

Closer to Free

There's something about the theme song from Party of Five that makes me wanna get up and crazy-dance around the living room.

Anybody care to join me?

This is what happens when you eat beef jerky & ice cream for dinner...

Project Getting Ready To Go Back To School has come to a grinding halt. I woke up in the middle of last night and spent about half an hour throwing up. It wasn't pretty, let me tell you. My stomach has still been feeling funny all day today, so I didn't go to the DMV and I didn't do any packing. I think my mom felt sorry for me, so she decided to wash my new towels & sheets for me. I'm hoping to be feeling loads better tomorrow because I have to get back on track. I'm leaving Saturday morning!

I can't believe I've only got 2 days left at home...it really doesn't seem like enough time to do all the things I've got to do. Let's just hope I don't die in the process. :-\

Daily Rundown

The past couple of days have been a waste, as far as getting ready to go back to school is concerned. But I wouldn't trade them for the world because I've spent them with family. Last night I went out to dinner with my mom and grandparents. We ate tons of Chinese food and talked and laughed for over an hour. Today I went to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie with my mom. She bought my ticket; I bought her Junior Mints ("Who wouldn't want a Junior Mint?...They're delicious!"). Afterwards, we went to Target and bought lots of things we didn't need, like chocolate brown sheets for me and ice cream for Xena.

Tomorrow I'm going to the DMV. And packing!

Playing Dress-Up

After all these years, I still love playing dress-up. After every trip to the mall, I shut myself up in my room and play "Fashion Show." I can spend hours mixing & matching everything in my wardrobe, seeing what works & what doesn't. Lately I've been wreaking havoc on the color wheel, trying to make everything match with my favorite fuschia sweater (army green goes surprisingly well, but turquoise definitely does not).

I've also been playing around with jewelry a lot lately (much more than I ever have before). It's fun re-discovering beautiful things I forgot I had, like this necklace which belonged to my grandmother. I think I've worn it once before, when I was 13 and went on my first date.


I think I might wear this necklace with my wedding dress someday. It'll be my "something blue."

Ear Infection #5,389?

My ear hurts. Like bad. I'm in denial because not only do I really not have time to go to the doctor this week, but after the hell I went through last fall I'm hoping that I never have another ear infection in my life. I think I need an ear canal transplant.

It's been raining all night. I love it. Also this is good because hopefully it won't be raining next weekend, when I'm trucking all of my stuff back to Arkansas.

Tomorrow night I'm having dinner with my mom and my grandparents at Magic Wok. It's not sushi, but it is one of my favorite restaurants. It's weird trying to fit all of the stuff I wanted to do all summer into this week. While also trying to pack.

I made a little progress on that front today...I only got one box packed, but it's a start. I packed all of the shirts that I know I'm not going to want to wear this week. All of the beautifully clean shirts that I hung up in my closet last night. What a fantastic waste of time!

FYI

This is what it looks like when you haven't done laundry in about a month:

How did I let it get so bad? Well, I haven't really needed to do laundry because I've been working so much. Every few days I would wash my uniform and some socks & underwear, and maybe a shirt that I really wanted to wear. After work, I'd usually just put on my pjs or some kind of lounge-y clothes. Now I'm not working, and I've run out of cute stuff to wear. I've definitely got a solid 4 or 5 loads here. Jeez...

Seriously, it's been so long since I've done laundry that under this mess I found a pair of shoes I forgot I owned. How sad is that?!

Goodbye, Store 35...

Today was my last day at my job. The whole thing was kind of bittersweet for me, because of course I'm glad to be done with work, but I'm also going to miss the people I worked with. They made me cry today...the security guard, Roger, got me a bunch of school supplies & a big "Good Luck" balloon & a beautiful card. He took the card around the store with him and had everybody who was working sign it. It was such a sweet thing to do, ya know? And completely unexpected.

Anyway, I'm really going to miss working there. I'm going back in mid-December, when I come home for Christmas. And if I can't find a job before next summer, I'm sure I'll end up back there again. I'm hoping to get a corporate job with the company, in the accounting department. Xavier said he'd talk to the guy in Human Resources for me.

Overall, this job has been such a great experience for me. I'm really going to miss it.

Ramblings

So I thought this whole head cold thing had gone away, but apparently I was mistaken. Sneezing=no fun.

Last night while I was at work, UScan broke. I don't really know why, other than the fact that the cord connecting the printer to the computer broke. But that wouldn't explain why one of the machines spazzed out & shut itself down, or why the till wouldn't open (again!). So Allie told me to just shut the whole thing down and go home early. Going home early is always nice.

Tonight I'm going out to dinner with family. I don't really have anything else to say about that, except that I wish we were having sushi, but we're not.

In Love and Coziness

Today my mom baked a blueberry pie, completely from scratch, crust & all. We have this tradition whenever she makes her own pie crust. Before she puts the pie in the oven, she sprinkles cinnamon sugar on the crust scraps and bakes them. It makes the whole house smell like cinnamon. A very cozy smell.


I think cozy is my favorite feeling. It's why brown is my favorite color. It's why a candle that's been blown out is my favorite smell. My favorite memories are of coming home from school on autumn afternoons, walking into a house that smelled like candles and freshly-baked cookies.

So Goal #2 is to teach myself how to bake this year. I'll buy some good cookie sheets and canisters for storing staples, like flour and sugar. I mean, I can cook alright, but I've never been that great at baking. I think it's just something that takes a lot of practice, and I'd like to be able to create those cozy feelings of warmth and love for myself & my own family someday.

Two Thumbs Up for Effective Government Programs!

Can we just talk about how happy this article makes me? Okay, so maybe you've never heard of WIC. Neither had I, until I started working at a grocery store. But since then, I've learned a little bit about it, and it's actually a really great program. It's one of those rare programs that gives me faith in the government.

WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) is a federal program that promotes good nutrition for statistically at-risk groups (pregnant women, new mothers, babies, and young children). They receive vouchers for nutritious foods to supplement their diet, such as milk, juice, cheese, eggs, and beans.

Anyway, the article from today's paper announced that soon the WIC program may be adding fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to the vouchers. This makes me ridiculously happy. The idea of a program that educates people, so they can use that knowledge to stay healthy after they're off the program...the idea of starting children on a healthy path so they can grow up to be healthy people...the idea of preventative care! It's exactly what the government should be doing to help people. Helping them help themselves, ya know? It reminds me of FDR's New Deal...giving people jobs & skills, not handouts. If only more government programs were like that...

Post #17

It's been a few days since my last update. Nothing much is going on here, really. I worked with the scanning crew on Wednesday, and (as always) I felt like I was gonna die. Getting up at 3 am and working for 9 hours really kicks my ass, let me tell you. I don't know why I agreed to do it two days next week. I guess I wanted to go out with a bang. And a fat paycheck.

My lightning bolt earrings and anchor necklace were delivered yesterday. I'm very much in love with them.

I really like the harmonica. That's really not as random as it seems...I'm listening to a playlist of my favorite Billy Joel songs, and "Piano Man" just came on. I don't think this song would be nearly as good without that damn harmonica. It's like my cowbell.

A blast from the past...for only $14.99!

The most wonderful thing in the world happened today. I went to Target with my mom, like I do pretty much every Tuesday. And guess what I found? Alice in Wonderland! It's the made-for-TV version from 1985, which my mom taped when it originally aired, and I used to watch it all the time when I was a kid. It was just released on DVD today! It's 187 minutes of pure nostalgia. Of course, just like when I was a kid, I couldn't make it through the whole thing without falling asleep. So I guess I'll just have to try watching Part 2 again some other time.

Pretty soon I'll be leaving to go to my dad's house. I have to be at work at 4 o'clock tomorrow morning, which is horrible. I'd pretty much like to kill Chris for making my schedule like that.

Reasons Why I Hate My Job

• It's the most labor-intensive job I've ever had, which isn't saying much because my other jobs have been desk jobs. Still, this has been a ridiculously hot summer, so it hasn't been easy to adjust to.
• I'm not very good at this job. I work hard, but that still doesn't seem to make up for the fact that I sort of suck at it. I make mistakes all the time, which is so hard for me to deal with.
• They make me do weird shit like Scanning, for which I have to come in at 4 am. Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to do Scanning. It's not what I was hired to do, and it's not what I was trained to do. Don't ask my dad if something is going to be okay with me, ask me!
  
• People are stupid. And rude. And impatient. They've shaken my faith in humanity, like to the point where I don't necessarily think mandatory sterilization would be a bad idea in some cases.
• I look seriously fugly in my uniform. Just sayin'.