Disappearing...

This has been a hell of a weekend. I slept for about 10 straight hours last night...and while this hasn't been a particularly bad weekend, the sleeping for 10 hours was definitely the highlight.

Graduation is so close. Only 6 weeks. Once I go back home, I won't have the internet. Not too many people here have my cell phone number (although it's on Facebook), so I feel like I'm truly leaving it all behind when I leave. I'm not really expecting to stay in touch with very many people. Maybe one or two. Maybe none.

So at this point, I really feel like I've got nothing to lose. Why not get drunk and do something stupid and change a friendship forever? That's probably pretty close to what I was thinking Friday night. My relationship with that person had an expiration date 6 weeks from now anyway.

I can't find words to describe how ready I am to be away from here. Not that I really want to go back home. If I thought I were capable of it, I think I'd just disappear. Pack the few things that really mean a lot to me and just go away. I don't think I'd tell anybody where I was going until I got there. Mostly because I don't think I'd even know. And once I did figure out where I was going to end up, I'd tell a few family members, but that's probably it.

I have these moments when I feel so confused. So overwhelmed. And I'd like to just sit down and figure it all out, get to this point of absolute clarity. But I'm constantly being interrupted by life. But maybe if I could get away from it all, just for a year...maybe I could figure things out.

It's appealing. Just leaving. Going somewhere new. Starting over from scratch. I thought I had that opportunity when I came to college, but this place was a distraction. And the trips home were interruptions.

I get dizzy a lot.