Somewhere along the line, I forgot the rules I'd recently committed to live by.
- Take everything at face value. Don't get so caught up in wishing for more, because then you'll never be content. You've been spending all this wonderful time with someone you love with your whole heart, and every time you leave in tears? Whitney, this is not any kind of way to live your life.
- Breathe. I know you forget to do this sometimes, especially when you're crying. Which is something you've done entirely too much lately. It's not healthy. And neither is not breathing. Do you need to write it on your wrist again? Maybe you really do need a permanent reminder to breathe, as silly as that may seem.
- DO NOT GIVE IN TO SADNESS. The weather doesn't make you depressed. You're using that as a crutch. Only you have the power over your mood. Lately you've been choosing to be sad. I don't know if it's because you want people to be sorry for you, but they're obviously showing you that they really couldn't care less. And it's not because they don't care about you, so don't go feeling sorry for yourself about that. It's because you're too sad too often, and they're tired of dealing with it. You're alienating your friends. You may think you don't care because, after all, you're only going to know these people for another 4 weeks. But baby, 4 weeks is still 4 weeks, and we know how you get when you're all alone. Also, on a personal level, being sad is exhausting. Do you know how many tears you wasted this week? Nobody died. You weren't in horrible, excruciating pain. All of those tears were for nothing better than a child's temper tantrum. You were crying because you didn't get what you wanted. Baby, appreciate what you've got!
And something new:
- Now that you've got all of these great plans, GO FOR THEM. Don't give up before you even begin. Don't be like that. He showed you that, and even though you haven't been able to help him do the same, it doesn't mean you've failed. The only way you've failed is if you've learned this lesson and choose to ignore it. And if things don't work out the way you planned--if you don't get accepted into the Peace Corps--don't let that be the end of it. Don't shrug it off and say, "Oh well, wasn't meant to be, I'll just go back to working at Dillons." NO! DO NOT DO THIS! Look for something else. The Peace Corps isn't the only international volunteer organization. And there are tons of domestic programs too. JUST DO SOMETHING. Have an adventure. You need it. And you need to do something good for someone else because you're far too selfish. You've had such an easy life...it's time to rough it up a bit, kid.
Now go stop being depressed and take a shower and wear something pretty.
